You’ve reached the (name) family. We can’t answer your call right now. So why don’t you leave your name, age, sex, height, weight, phone number, a short message, your social security number, credit card number, how many kids you have, your mother’s maiden name, along with the date and time you called us. And if you’ve survived this message and are still listening, your message better be important.
For many small businesses, it may not be possible to pick up the phone immediately. Other times, you may receive a call after hours or during a busy time when no staff is available to assist a caller.

Before the digital era, he says more than 80 percent of business lines had voice mail. Now, he estimates only a third of office phones have it.”For customers, even the most professional voicemail greeting is impersonal, and may even harm customer experience (millennials, in particular, avoid using voicemail altogether).
This is the mental health hotline. If you have obsessive compulsive disorder press 1 repeatedly. If you have co-dependant ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If your delusional press 7 and the call will be brought back to the mothership. And if you have a fidget disorder, fidget with the hash key until someone picks up.