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Welcome to Galaxy Brain — a newsletter from Charlie Warzel about technology and culture. You can read what this is all about here. If you like what you see, consider forwarding it to a friend or two. You can also click the button below to subscribe. And if you’ve been reading, consider going to the paid version.

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What we need in our work communication is not more professional politeness or less formal, chat-based messaging applications like Slack. We need honesty. The problem is that we’ve conditioned ourselves to see honesty as self-indulgent or disrespectful. I’d argue the opposite is true. Honesty, even if it’s a bit more inconvenient for all parties in the moment, pays dividends later. It builds trust. When my partner Anne Helen Petersen and I were interviewing people for our forthcoming book on remote work, a frequent lament from both middle managers and workers was that they didn’t feel like they knew how to succeed in their jobs; that they were guessing what their superiors and coworkers wanted and, even when they asked, they didn’t quite trust the responses they got back.
Hello, I will be out of the office [DATE] through [DATE] returning [DATE]. If you need immediate assistance during my absence, please contact [CONTACT NAME] at [EMAIL]. Otherwise, I will respond to your emails as soon as possible upon my return. .

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During the holidays, you may also want to send holiday greetings to colleagues who are on the same team as you. In this situation, your message can be more casual and include inside jokes, depending on how close you are to your coworkers. Take a look at these holiday messages to colleagues.
I’ve never been a fan of the ones where people basically say “I’m working, but super busy right now, so I won’t get to your email for X (hours, days, whatever). Like, are you THAT busy.

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This is the dream. If I could do this, I would! I hate voicemails (and the phone in general) so, so much!
Best wishes for happy holidays and a magnificent New Year. May the holiday season bring only happiness and joy to you and your loved ones. Wishing you and your loved ones peace, health, happiness, and prosperity in the coming New Year. Let the spirit of love gently fill our hearts and homes.

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(first line in the second one refers to the new exec for our function starting that same week – an internal move). If I can get the date I’ll be back into the haiku I do, otherwise I put it afterwards, along with the person to contact in my absence. Obviously if I’m off sick or otherwise can’t be bothered I don’t do the haiku.

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However, if you do choose to do this, make sure you actually follow through and do the thing you’re bragging about, unlike this New York Times reader who was just a bit too bold.

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    A literary agent I follow told the story of a long argument her autoreply had with a would-be author. She’d set up the outbound email while out of town and apparently an author who queried her with his book took offense to it. He replied back in frustration that he didn’t get a personal response. Her autoreply sent back another automated message, which he then in increasing anger kept responding to.

    If you can, include the sender's original message in the automatic reply, to help them 'unsubscribe' you of any list or to remind them about their enquiry, which can be forwarded to someone more suitable.
    I think the OOO you wrote in about is hysterically funny. I also think it would be out of place in a lot of offices (the board of directors that oversee my org would emphatically not think the message was funny).

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    I like funny OOO – but I am a bad offender regarding these and may slightly overshare. I recently had to be in and out for eye surgery and this was mine:

    If your email client allows it, you could always just use an image to express your out-office sentiment, like this one. After all, they say that a picture is worth a thousand words — and visual content is still essential to successful marketing.
    When the office remains closed for any holiday, the messages informing the employees about the holidays and wishing them on the holidays are sent through cards or text messages to the staff. One can also send the wishes through mails to all the office staff.

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    But, what exactly should you say in that automated message of yours? Whether you’re looking for something straight-laced and formal or over-the-top festive, here are six different templates you can use for an out-of-office message that’s perfectly suited to you, your company, and this merry time of year.

    I cancelled it at the end of the trial period and they asked me why so they could improve their services. I surprised myself by bursting out, “messages, messages, messages! I cannot take it anymore!
    New workplaces, new food sources, new medicine--even an entirely new economic system

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    Hey there! I’m on holiday right now. I’ll try to reply to your message ASAP. Talk to you later!

    Inform your landlord that you will be closing down for the holiday – exact dates and timeAdvise your staff not to disclose to everyone your office is empty for the holidaysCancel or reschedule any possible deliveries or services (i.e. newspapers, postcards, packages, suppliers)Advise any business-related deliveries or clients about the close down datesAdvise the office cleaner of closure dates. Organise a thorough clean when office is emptySet your answer machine message with emergency contact messageSet an “out of office” auto-reply emailOrder supplies needed in January and ensure delivery isn’t during the closure period
    Between now and then, I recommend escaping the summer heat with a delicious Aviation & Tonic. Here’s my recipe:

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You’ve reached Michael Abioye’s inbox. This is a general notice informing you of Michael Abioye’s absence until January 2nd, 20XX. He is currently partaking in the traditions of a certain holiday, which may or may not be denominational or non-denominational. Example Company is in no way endorsing or not endorsing said holiday, nor encouraging or discouraging employees of all demographics to engage in celebratory activities. Thank you for your consideration during this festive or not-festive time.

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If there's a year to take a break for the holidays, it's 2020! Since replying to email can make it hard to disconnect, set your vacation responder before you log off for the season.

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So, take a lesson from @courtwhip, editor at PEDESTRIAN.TV, who wrote the above hilarious out-of-office email, fully stocked with mentions of the best movies from the 1990s. (By the way, “Splinter” is from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and as we all know, he loves pizza.)

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