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This is the standard reply I’m my org. Occasionally there is something about not being able to check emails while away (or being able to) but that’s about it.

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I’m betting Ace means part-time staff working their regular schedules. So if you work regularly work 30 hrs a week, I don’t need your OOO for the other 10 hrs (assuming a 40 hr week), but if you’re on vacation for multiple days or a full week, then yes, use an OOO message.
I go with “offline” or “away” (away…to my couch). I like closing the door, though! .

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That doesn’t sound odd to me at all, depending on the company. I used to send a staff-wide note because they needed to know I would be out and they could plan accordingly if they needed anything. At my current company I wouldn’t do this, but that’s because it’s massive and I only directly work with a small team.
You can contact my colleagues from our different departments regarding the following cases :

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The kicker was when she left we teased apart all of what she had been doing and it amounted to about 10 hours a week worth of work (and she was putting in OT constantly lol)
2.) Herzlich willkommen bei Mustermann GmbH. Aufgrund unseres Betriebsurlaubes sind unsere Servicemitarbeiter erst wieder ab Montag, den 04.07.2016 für Sie erreichbar. Der Versand der Bestellungen wird ab dem 11.01.2016 wieder starten. Gerne können Sie uns aber in der Zwischenzeit Ihr Anliegen per Email an [email protected] oder über unser Kontaktformular zukommen lassen. Vielen Dank!

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    You have options like Recents or Favorites to select based on your choice. This section will take care of the iPhone Auto Text Reply.

    Logging off will happen to every one of us, whether you're on vacation, have a family emergency, or need to attend a work conference. So we're going to put your mind at ease, creating a unique out of office message to greet your clients and take care of them until you return.
    Loads of translators work freelance because it’s very easy to do from home, so yeah I’d not expect then to be standardised. I’ve received English and native language replies, but never both.

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    Note: Sending automatic replies to anyone outside my organization will send your automatic reply to every email, including newsletters, advertisements, and potentially, junk email. If you want to send automatic replies to those outside your organization, we recommend choosing My contacts only.

    I am currently out of the office on leave. Sales inquiries should be directed to Gabriela Cruz at 935.555.3455. Customer support matters should be directed to Miranda Trotman at 935.555.9001.
    Wherever you go on holiday, you’ll probably have access to the internet at some point. You might want to acknowledge this in your O.O.O. – but it’s also worth forcing the sender to question if it’s really worth interrupting your holiday by setting up a very blunt alternative inbox... I know I’m supposed to say that I’ll have limited access to email and won’t be able to respond until I return, but that’s not true. My iPhone will be with me and I can respond if I need to. And I recognise that I’ll probably need to interrupt my vacation from time to time to deal with something urgent. That said, I promised my wife that I am going to try to disconnect, get away and enjoy our vacation as much as possible. So, I’m going to experiment with something new. I’m going to leave the decision in your hands: • If your email truly is urgent and you need a response while I’m on vacation, please resend it to [email protected] and I’ll try to respond to it promptly. • If you think someone else at First Round Capital might be able to help you, feel free to email my assistant, Fiona, and she’ll try to point you in the right direction.

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    While I won’t be quite as far and remote as the North Pole, I will still be completely disconnected from my inbox until my return. So if you require immediate assistance, please send your email to [Contact Name] at [contact email]. Out of Office Template #5 For the Person Who Will Be Checking in (Reluctantly)

    Let’s be honest, you worked so hard and now it’s time to have the well-deserved vacation. There is nothing bad in wanting to show off where you are going or what you are doing.
    Hello, our office will remain closed for during the Christmas period. We assure you that all your emails will be responded to as soon as we return to the office. Merry Christmas! Regards, [Name/Company name]

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    NOW READ: Twas the night befraud Christmas: Here are the top three scams to look out for over the holidays

    Please note that all company offices will be closed [date] to [date]. We will reopen [date], and close again for [date] and [date]. We wish you all the warmest of holiday cheer!
    Thank you for your email. I am no longer with [company name]. Please direct enquiries to [insert name and email] or [insert name and email].

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I think it’s irritating and condescending and could have been funny if only one of the goofy elements was incorporated, instead of trying to make a cohesive comedy bit. It seems like the points should be reversed. Most urgent to least urgent. If I have a truly urgent issue I don’t want to read through that I should ask myself if it’s important and urgent. If it’s something that can wait, I’ll just expect a delay. If it’s not important or at least worth communicating, I wouldn’t be sending the email.

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You Need A Better Out Of Office MessageWe don't need professional politeness. We need honesty.

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Therefore, if your email truly is urgent and you need a response while I’m on vacation, please forwarded it to my personal email [email] and I’ll try to respond to it promptly. If you think someone else at [company] might be able to help you, please contact [name] at [email] or [phone], and they’ll try to point you in the right direction. Otherwise, I’ll respond when I return.

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If you want people to remember that you’re away, do something humorous or different, suggests Misner. “The normal out of office message that says you’re not available and you’re on vacation is fine, but not memorable,” he says.

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