Hello, Our office is closed for holidays from [date] through [date] and returning on [date]. Through this period we will not be able handle any enquiries. If you need immediate assistance, please contact [name] at [email] or call [phone number]. Otherwise we will respond to all emails as soon as possible once we return to the office. Warm regards.
When I return from a break, I talk to the people who have acted in my stead and get the rundown of what happened/what needs to still be done. That’s part of my whole “back to work triage”.

You just have to be very certain of your audience if you’re going to use an email with humor. It has to be the right tone, and it has to be right for your business and your clientele.
This is what I’ve seen most often in my career. Problem is, the contact is almost always the admin. I’m the admin. Everyone’s idea of assistance is different. Often, I didn’t have the knowledge about the issue in order to be of any assistance. I wound up spending more time running around looking for answers than actually working on what was on my own plate. It’s exhausting. Otherwise known as “please don’t call us for unicorn problems when we handle llamas. Literally, we can’t do anything for unicorn problems.”