To remind us – as if we needed reminding, as we vainly strive for ‘inbox zero’ – of just what a time drain email has become, Kay Woodward, UK-based author of What Would She Do?, has wryly channelled one of her book’s real-life heroines, Emmeline Pankhurst (and Pankhurst’s movement’s motto) in her OOO. “Deeds, not emails. That’s what the Suffragettes need. And let’s face it, I’m probably in prison anyway, so couldn’t reply even if I wanted to.”
I don’t think OP meant condescending to the person’s teammates so much as condescending to the reader. The person over-explains each option and I can see how it would read as ‘wow, you are really dumb and obviously need some handholding to figure out simple decision-making!’ That likely wasn’t the intent, I understand, but I get why people might take it that way.

Since I’m out of the office for the Thanksgiving weekend, I’ll respond to your email with a list of 10 things I’m thankful for: Copiers that collate Co-workers that brew more coffee when they empty the pot Donuts on Mondays AND Fridays When IT surprised me with a new laptop AND remembered to transfer my files When You-Know-Who died at the end of book 7 Dry-erase boards that actually erase The brave soul who cleaned out the refrigerator When I’m early to an all-staff meeting and score a table near the door HR finally sent a memo telling people to STOP clipping their nails at their desk OOO autoresponders
That makes sense. I normally say “Hi, I am out of the office on DATES. If you need to reach someone…….” or whatever.