Thanks for reaching out. Unfortunately, I’m out of the office from [day/month] to [day/month] with limited/ no access to email. If your question can wait, I’ll be responding to any emails I miss when I return. If not, contact [Name] at [email] or [phone] and he/she will take care of your request.
9. Auto Reply Example with Alternative Contact Phone and Email. [Your Greeting] Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, I am out of the office until (Return Date).

I thought it was funny but could never get away with using something like that at my org. I loved the “competent people who work for me” part – I make this joke all the time. We have some people who feel that they should have a manager personally attend to them and, at least in my case, my highly competent team is in the weeds of that work a lot more and are not rusty (like I am).
As an employer one of our policies is to Call in absent days not text them in. This hasn’t worked well as employees ( especially young employees) will still text in those types of messages. It would be wonderful to have a feature in the iPhone that allows for instant text response that can be set up for certain contacts( employees). Something similar to an out of office message in email…” I am not receiving text, please call … … …. and speak to me directly”