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The problem was that this had to be done on deadline and people wanted me to do other things for them that weren’t time sensitive. So I put up an internal-only out of office that basically said “hey sorry I’m working on project X and we have a tight deadline. If this isn’t urgent I’ll get back to you next week. If it is urgent, let me know!”

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I don’t think OP meant condescending to the person’s teammates so much as condescending to the reader. The person over-explains each option and I can see how it would read as ‘wow, you are really dumb and obviously need some handholding to figure out simple decision-making!’ That likely wasn’t the intent, I understand, but I get why people might take it that way.
I worked with a guy years ago who would update his voicemail greeting literally every time he left the office. So the bare minimum would be that he’d record a new message when he arrived in the office in the morning. Then, when leaving for lunch he’d record a new greeting listing the time he would be back in the office, then he’d record a new message when he got back from lunch, then a new one at the end of the day saying he would be back in the morning. That’s not even counting the times he was out of the office on work business. It was deranged, especially since he had the type of job where he would normally be in and out of the office often. .

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I feel this so hard! I am 14 days away from my PCS (permanent change of station), and will be on leave for a month. I’ve been drafting my OOO multiple times, not just out of a desire to edit but because it reminds me that I am LEAVING my current terrible office.
(Fergus) I will be OOO from July 1-31. If you need immediate assistance, please contact Jane. (Jane) I will be OOO from July 1-31. If you need immediate assistance please contact Sansa. (Sansa) I will be OOO from July 1-31. If you need immediate assistance please contact Fergus.

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A word of warning: These greetings will not do you any favors if you're in the midst of a job hunt or work in a conservative industry. Always remember your target personas. If there's a chance they won't appreciate your sense of humor, opt for a straightforward greeting instead.
I will be away from 03.04.2020 until 13.04.2020. For urgent matters, you can contact (COLLEAGUE NAME).

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We’re not saying you’re boring but you do work in a fairly serious corporate environment. As a result, your out of office needs to be quite to the point but you also like to throw in a little pitch too, you cheeky sod.

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standard voicemail message script

Is your email urgent? If so, you should probably call [Name] at [phone number], and they will assist you. They aren’t in the sunshine – they’re still at work.

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    Virtual Team Building ActivitiesOnline Team Building GamesVirtual Happy Hour IdeasGames to Play on ZoomIcebreaker Questions

    If you’re in a rush or just not sure what to write use some of these out-of-office email examples in your next auto-response email message.
    Don’t beat around the bush! This is an expression that means you should get to the point. That is, you should make your message direct and brief. This will let the recipient quickly know that you’re not available and who they can contact instead. You can start with a simple greeting and then proceed to the message like in the following examples:

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    Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year [or any variation on these salutations].

    Too little info is frankly worse, IMO. All you need for an OOO is date you are coming back, and who to contact in your absence if it can’t wait for your return. If it doesn’t have that, why bother having one at all?
    3.) Welcome to the John Doe AG. Our offices in Berlin are now closed for a holiday. You can reach us on working days from Monday to Friday from 9am to noon and 1pm to 6pm. For general inquiries you can also send us an email to [email protected]. Thank you very much. We wish you a nice day - your John Doe AG.

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    It was just this colleague – it (thankfully) wasn’t the culture of the office, and I never saw anyone else abuse the OOO like this.

    One common challenge faced by customers is auto reply email or text messages lack a specification about the estimated wait time to get answers for their queries.
    The only thing that isn’t boilerplate in mine is the inclusion of “But what if I have a word emergency?” before the who to contact stuff. I removed it at one point and people asked me to put it back in because it made them smile. And yep, we’re writers so the only emergencies we deal with are ones related to words.

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    I have no idea how to update my voicemail message and I don’t actually know what it says. I occasionally get voicemails that are automatically forwarded to my email as sound files but I don’t think I have ever had a business related voicemail land there (it is rare that I get calls from outside the company and most people in the company if they can’t reach me on the phone will IM me directly–we use Teams for both phone and messaging).

    haha no offense taken. No one wanted to read (or even listen!) to all that. We only did it so she’d stop ruining our Mondays with epic 1-hour rants about what terrible people we are. And no, none of the projects we worked on were ever so critical or time-sensitive!
    I am facing technical issues due to system failure. Kindly expect some delay in responses. I will get back to you as soon as I can access my system. Pages Business English Good Morning or Good morning? Apology for delivery delays Apology for late response Billing Phrases Call Invitation How to ask the client if they accept the offer How to chase a client for feedback on your sent offers How to propose quotes How to say that you will prepare new quotes How to send the new quotes How to say that you will get back to the client In a process of negotiation Introduce Yourself OOO (Out of Office) messages Phrases To Start a Sentence How Do You Address An Email to Multiple Recipients? Thank You Email After Interview How Do You Politely Ask for a Discount?

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For specific assistance, I’ll be responding to emails on [date]. If you need something resolved urgently, please contact [Contact Name] at [contact email].

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“There is something especially cruel about advocating for your boundaries while disrespecting other peoples.”

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Thanks for your email. Please expect a delay in response due to a medical emergency. In case of urgent queries, please reach out to me on my cell or to my colleague at [email protected].

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And while we all have grace for friends and family who seem to take forever to get back to our messages, customers generally expect this degree of promptness when they text a business.

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