Earlier this year, British comedian Steve Coogan underscored a growing trend to rethink the OOO when he used it not to advertise his own absence, but rather the return to our screens of his blazer-clad alter ego, hapless media personality Alan Partridge. Written in the broadcaster’s inimitable voice, it had stern words for anyone who dared email him: “I’m not in the office so both cannot and will not respond to your email,” it began. “If your email is urgent, perhaps you should have tried calling instead. The very fact you were content to type out your query long hand and settle back to wait for a reply suggests you can wait, even if you’ve put a red exclamation next to your email to make it stand out in my inbox. Won’t wash with me, that.”
I have a confession to make: I haven't recorded a new voicemail greeting in nearly a decade. Since then, I've (hopefully) become more articulate, poised, and self-assured. But hear my voicemail recording, and you'd think I was still new to the work world, a little unsure of myself — and probably not an authority.

Dear Customer, Thank you for your email, but our company is out of office, celebrating [HOLIDAY]. Unfortunately, it means we will not be able to send you any reply until [DATE]. We apologize for the delay but wish you a wonderful holiday season. Best regards.
Same. I’ve been out of the office for over a year and did not change my voicemail message on my desk phone, nor have I checked it in that year. To be very honest, I didn’t usually check it even when I was in the office.