Found it! (Reddit’s own search functionality is garbage, but it’s so easy to google for reddit posts, thankfully)
At my old job we had a short script for our voice mail messages including whether we were in the office or out of the office. We were specifically told not to say why we were out of the office for personal privacy and protection reasons. However, an exception was soon made–for jury duty. Callers were getting freaked out when they got the message “I’m out of the office and don’t know when I will return.” They would be worried about the person they were calling and worried about whether or not they would be able to get the info they needed. So if on jury duty we would say, “I’m out of the office on jury duty and don’t know when I will return.”
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Hi, You just missed me. I am out of the office until [MM/DD]. If your question can wait, great. I’ll reply when I get back. If not, contact [name] at [email] or [phone] and they’ll take good care of you. Meanwhile, feel free to peruse our FAQ section of [website] to see if your question can’t be answered there.
I think it’s irritating and condescending and could have been funny if only one of the goofy elements was incorporated, instead of trying to make a cohesive comedy bit. It seems like the points should be reversed. Most urgent to least urgent. If I have a truly urgent issue I don’t want to read through that I should ask myself if it’s important and urgent. If it’s something that can wait, I’ll just expect a delay. If it’s not important or at least worth communicating, I wouldn’t be sending the email.
Website: https://www.wpbeginner.com/wp-tutorials/how-to-setup-a-business-voicemail-greeting-with-examples/ Filter Type All Time Past 24 Hours Past Week Past month Contact List Found1. 212-555-1212 2. (855) 976-7457 3. 303-735-6245 New Contact Listing› Lloyds Bank› Contact Lens› Ihop› Globespan Capital Partners› United States Forest Service› Optimum› Chatsworth Station› Monat› Hr Block› Citigroup› Green Mountain Energy› Jcpenney› The Mechanic Inc› Iphone› Abandoned Vehicle› United States Secret ServiceBrowse All Listing » Frequently Asked QuestionsWhat should my holiday greeting be on my voicemail?
Oh, that’s maddening. I just checked Outlook, and it doesn’t look like you can set up a rule not to send OOO replies to a particular person, but you can reply with a template. I wonder if sending just your boss a message that says “Hi boss, this is an automated reply that I set up a rule to send. I’m really out of the office and I really didn’t see this message. See you when I get back on Monday!” or whatever. Probably won’t help, but might be fun.
4. Out of Office Template #4 For the Person Who Will Be 100% Out of Reach. Hello, Thanks for your email. I’m currently offline, returning on [date]. I’ll respond to your message then.
Though you were ending with a “for everything else, there’s Mastercard” for a moment!
Don't be afraid to use a pop cultural reference that the audience would recognize. Instead of bemoaning your absence, they'll have something fun and familiar to laugh at.
For immediate assistance, please contact my colleague [contact name] on [contact email/phone number] who should be able to help. Otherwise, I will respond to your email as soon as possible upon my return.
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I think this is great. A little too long, but it would work well as an internal reply in a large office with the right kinda culture. I’m imagining how useful it would be in my previous office with 300+ people that always had some “fire” or another to put out. I also appreciate how it protects the sender’s time off–at no point does it say “ok, fine. contact me.”
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Thank you for your email. I am out of the office on annual leave/in meetings with very limited access to email until [Date]. If your query is urgent please contact [Team Shared Mailbox], otherwise I will respond on my return.
If one were concerned about the message rubbing people the wrong way, it’s certainly something that can work with a bit of rephrasing: “I’m out on leave from X to Y. All messages received during that time will be deleted. Please resend your request after Y, or else contact Z for urgent assistance.”
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