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Hi, Thanks for your email. You can expect a response when I return on [MM/DD]. Please contact [name] at [email] or [phone] for anything urgent. While you’re waiting, here’s something I made for you: [blogpost, ebook, brochure, checklist, etc.] I hope [name of thing] makes your day a little easier.

A. While The University of Toledo Medical Center and its operations must remain open for our patients and guests, yes – there will be a limited number of offices closed on HSC during winter break because they are academic, non-hospital or non-patient care areas. Leaders of those departments are responsible for ensuring their students, team members, customers, vendors and other stakeholders know in advance that they will be closed during winter break. Their email and voicemail messages also should inform customers of the specific closure dates.
I think it’s irritating and condescending and could have been funny if only one of the goofy elements was incorporated, instead of trying to make a cohesive comedy bit. It seems like the points should be reversed. Most urgent to least urgent. If I have a truly urgent issue I don’t want to read through that I should ask myself if it’s important and urgent. If it’s something that can wait, I’ll just expect a delay. If it’s not important or at least worth communicating, I wouldn’t be sending the email.