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See, in my head, “as soon as possible” reads simply as a more formal way of saying “I will respond at my earliest convenience.” Like, either way, this person is getting back to you as soon as they can, whatever that actually means.

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This is so funny to be because I would chuckle getting those! You have personal context which is how you know that there is an aggeressive/accusatory tone….but without that context I would interpret these as boundaried and light-hearted. (With the exception of the ‘momtears’ one, that would feel overly personal to me.)
I pretty consistently just do “Greetings, I will be out of office from (date) to (date) with (limited/no) access to email. If you need assistance, please contact (boss) at (email address) – otherwise, I will follow up with you upon my return. Thanks!” .

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The big issue I have with the example in the post is that not only is it unnecessarily long-winded, but you have to listen through all the chattiness to get to the “here’s who to contact in a real emergency” part. The tone does rub me wrong, but I’m willing to roll with that as a personality/company culture thing.
I apologise for this blunt email, yet feel I must warn customers and shareholders to divest yourself of any interests you hold in this company as the **** is about to hit the fan.

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In this image, you're letting people know you're OOO with a "Missing" notice on a milk carton. Genius. Just be careful — this sort of autoresponder is best for internal emails, not for autoresponders that get sent to prospects and clients.
This email comes from another one of my colleagues. The purpose of this email is to intercept messages during Thanksgiving, and the way in which it does so is, well, with thankfulness.

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I would very much like to meet him, and I don’t know if that proves or challenges his point…

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I am annoyed when people send a “fergus ooo” outlook invite! Maybe that’s the (annoying imo) style for your team Fergus, but our nearest common ancestor is 3 or 4 people up, you’re not that important and I don’t care!

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    The Calls/SMS Auto Reply app for Android comes loaded with auto-responses for out-of-office messages. You can select any of the simple messages to send as a reply to incoming calls and text messages when you are not in the office or away for a holiday. You can edit these existing messages or add your own custom message to set up auto-response during your absence.

    With all that in mind, here are some templates for effective automatic responses to those inside and outside your company: 5 Cybersecurity Professionals Your IT Team Needs How deep is your IT security bench strength? Check out this lineup of five types of cybersecurity professionals to confirm you have all the bases covered... Trying to figure out how to hire remote workers? Read Robert Half’s tips on finding and hiring remote staff when you can’t meet in person. Is writing a cover letter a thing of the past for job seekers? Far from it. Discover how you can convince hiring managers to call you for an interview. Business Ethics Corporate Responsibility Security & Data Privacy Fraud Alert Government Notice Privacy Policy Terms of Use
    That 15minute breaktime message screams “past experience with a toxic company” to me.

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    I used to work at a place that required me to update my voicemail EVERY SINGLE DAY with my schedule for the day as in Hi, today is xyz and I will me in a meeting from 11-12 and at lunch from 12-1 and be in the office all other times.

    I am currently out of the office on leave. Sales inquiries should be directed to Gabriela Cruz at 935.555.3455. Customer support matters should be directed to Miranda Trotman at 935.555.9001.
    I’m on vacation until July 18th. If you need to reach me, here’s what you’ll need to do: First, travel to my homeland of Florida. Climb to the highest peak of the tallest mountain. Find a rare flower (no specifics, of course... It’d be cheating). Put the flower back, because as the old hiking rule goes, “Leave everything as you found it.”

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    This is typically what I do. People don’t need to know where you are or what you’re doing. It’s really none of their business. They just need to know how long you’ll be out, that you won’t be checking email or vm while you’re gone, and who to contact instead.

    Confirm your greeting is set for each day you are closed to play the “holiday” or “closed” greeting. Check your on-call option is working properly, when applicable.
    But let’s talk out-of-office messages: overshares, excessive detail, the ones that self-aggrandize (I once had a coworker whose auto-replies often said he’d be in late because he “pulled an all-nighter” on various work projects, etc.), the ones that never get turned off, people who don’t use them at all, and other pet peeves.

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    If you scroll down, towards the bottom you'll find a section called Vacation Responder. There, tick Vacation Responder On and fill in the dates for when you want any received emails to be replied to with the automatic response.

    Education Details: Out of office holiday template. If you’re closing for a few days (or longer) for the holidays, let your clients know. Your out of office holiday auto reply email should be informative and wish your clients all the best during the holiday season. Happy holidays from all of us at …
    It was 35 years That I joined this noble job Teaching, Since then I have made right paths for many Those who have got. My life kept moving with success

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I had a boss that required OOO messages anytime you left the office. A single sick day, leaving four hours early, coming in two hours late, etc. This at an org that didn’t require quick email responses, and at which people typically only put up OOOs for multiple days out.

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Thanks for your email. I will be away from the office until September 13th and will respond as soon as I can.

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Of course, if you’re expecting something (or someone) urgent to pop into your inbox, send them a separate note with your personal email or phone number. Alternatively, you can also just make sure whoever your go-to contact is has that information in case you do need to be reached. Once you handle that, you can do what your out-of-office says you’re doing and actually spend the day recharging.

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