“I’ve been whisked away by angry looking men in suits and taken to a small room with one light, a little water and a laptop. I’ve been told to write. I think these men are from my publisher. I’m hoping to be released on Thursday so I can start to responding to emails again.”
It’s wise to check they aren’t though. A colleague once had an out of office from an academic that simply said ‘on fieldwork’. Just those two words.

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Given free rein, I’d absolutely love to tell people that needing me to show them how to do X in Excel is actually not a vacation-interrupting emergency and there are tons of free videos that would explain that, if they did not want to contact the actual departments who handle tech support and training. Or that this project they’ve known about for a month but decided to keep under their hat until it became an emergency is something they’ll need to resolve themselves. But that would not fly at all.