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The worst one I ever received was from a coworker (senior to me, but not my manager) many years ago. I’ll paraphrase it as my memory isn’t great:
One thing that happens when you regularly send a newsletter out to tens of thousands of people is that you see a lot of automatic Out Of Office (OOO) email responses. The most common one I receive goes something like this: Hi, I’m out of the office until __ and may be slow to respond to email. If it’s an emergency, you can reach me at __ or please contact __. Thanks! .

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Merry Christmas and thanks for your email! I’m taking a few days off to spend time with my family and friends, so I won’t be answering emails as quickly as usual. You can expect to hear back from me by (insert date). Hope you have a Merry Christmas!
I have been out the office working from home for more than a year now. After a few weeks of remotely checking VM (and sometimes forgetting for days) I simply changed my phone setting so you cannot leave a message. I have not regretted since. On very few occasions people have clicked 0 and gone to reception. Reception can IM me and ill call or email the person back if I want or they can give them my email. Everyone else either emails me or if they already have it call my cell. Internal people never call my phone they use IM or video chat. No one internally has had an issue with this and this eliminates the whole hey call me back to spend 30 minutes talking about something that I could have answered in 2 minutes in an email.

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3.) Добро пожаловать в Консультационное Агентство «Вася Пупкин и Ко». Наши офисы в Берлине в настоящее время закрыты на период праздников. Вы можете связаться с нами в рабочие дни с понедельника по пятницу с 9 утра до 12.00, и с 13.00 до 6 часов вечера. По общим вопросам вы также можете обратиться к нам по электронной почте [email protected]. Большое спасибо. Мы желаем вам хорошего дня – ваше Консультационное Агентство «Вася Пупкин и Ко».
With the Holiday season right around the corner, your office’s voicemail greeting should quickly inform callers of any potential changes in hours, days or availability.

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haha no offense taken. No one wanted to read (or even listen!) to all that. We only did it so she’d stop ruining our Mondays with epic 1-hour rants about what terrible people we are. And no, none of the projects we worked on were ever so critical or time-sensitive!

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I will be out of the office on Thursday, November 8th, and Friday, November 9th. I will be back in the office on Monday, November 12th, and will not be responding to any emails until that time.

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    Thank you for your email. I am no longer with [company name]. Please direct enquiries to [insert name and email] or [insert name and email].

    Our Public Service Announcement: Each year, Americans leave 700 million DAYS of paid time off on the table. Stop and think about how many great out of office reply opportunities are missed because of this!
    Like, I don’t feel confident enough to do it myself, but the OOO writer is probably a known Quirky Person and I admire that to an extent.

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    It is no secret that social media now plays a prominent role in helping a company remain competitive in an increasingly digital corporate environment. You ...

    Ugh, I wouldn’t mind changing daily if I could have a couple of prepared responses for normal circumstances (i.e.: “I’ve left for the day, but I’ll be back in the office tomorrow morning to return your call”) to select from, but having to create a new message for Tuesday night when the info for Monday night is the same? Rage inducing. Email is asynchronous, you KNOW you’re not going to get an instant reply and sometimes you email knowing fully well that it won’t be seen until the next morning/week/whatever. Why on earth mandate an auto-reply for that?
    One day, the boss said I needed to start answering phones, and did not accept my pushback.

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    Same, and I leave this template in my settings so all I have to do is change the date. Simple, to the point, and no one can say they didn’t know what to do while I was out.

    “The purpose isn’t to let people know you’re out of the office, it’s to let them know you're not going to be responding,” says Muse career coach Benjamin Ritter, founder of Live for Yourself Consulting. It’s not about where you are physically, but rather whether or not you’ll see someone’s email and be available to react to it within a typical timeframe (which could differ depending on your role, company, and industry).
    Our office will remain closed until the end of this week for Thanksgiving Holidays. We assure you that all your emails will be answered as soon as we return to the office. Happy Thanksgiving!

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    I’ll be back at my desk on [date] and will respond to your message immediately. In case you need urgent assistance, please forward an email to [contact name] at [contact email] so that Santa’s little helpers at our shop may look into it.

    So far it only works for texts, and both my customized reply and the URGENT (annoying) language is sent back with every auto-text. Phone calls are NOT answered unless I let my routine vm pick it up, which I will. If I turn off the phone, it does not work (which would be great if it did, like an auto-email) and if I turn my phone off and on, I must RE-SET the DND. Still better than nothing. I have a 7plus
    Yes! I would roll my eyes *a*lot* at that message – it comes across as someone taking themselves way too seriously.

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The exact dates you will be away.The reason for your absence. This is not obligatory, but bear it in mind. The thing is, people might still attempt to get in touch with you if you’re on a business trip or at a conference. They are less likely to try to contact you if they know you’re on vacation.The people who can assist a client while you’re away. Provide names, phone numbers, and email addresses so that colleagues and clients can keep in touch in case they need urgent help. It makes you look trustworthy in the eyes of the recipient and strengthens your working relationship with them.

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“Greetings. I’m away on holidays for a week and unable to respond to your call/message. I will return to the office on Jan. 20 and respond to you at the earliest. Hope to talk to you soon.”

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I’ve only seen it used for certain roles – usually admin-type ones – where people are fielding a significant amount of requests, so the potential vacation backlog could become prohibative and discourage people from taking time off.

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