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The science fiction writer John Scalzi says “The failure mode of clever is asshole,” which seems to apply here.

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Hi, Our store will be closed until the end of the week for Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year]. We are happy to inform you that all of your emails will be answered once we are back on [date]. Kind regards.
“I’m not in the office. I’m spending time with my children and that’s far more important than absolutely anything you could be after” .

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I work in fundraising for after the standard Im out until X, contact Y in the meantime, I also list ways people can give, since thats my job.
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Don't miss out on your next career move. Work with Apollo Technical and we'll keep you in the loop about the best IT and engineering jobs out there — and we'll keep it between us.
A. No. All of the restaurants, including Starbucks and other eateries in Thompson Student Union, will be closed during winter break. They will reopen the second week of January.

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The one that gave a personal cellphone number (they didn’t have a company phone or were required to use it for work) while out on vacation, with a comment like “I’m out on vacation from date x to date y and in my absence please contact Jane Smith but if you don’t get any joy please call my personal number if it’s urgent”.

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5.) Sehr geehrte Kunden, unser Büro ist vom 24 Dezember bis zum 2.Januar nicht besetzt. Sie erreichen uns wie gewohnt ab Montag den 5. Januar. Wir wünschen Ihnen und Ihrer Familie ein frohes Weihnachtsfest und ein gutes und erfolgreiches neue Jahr.

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    The autoresponder messages give information like how long the person you are reaching is unavailable and who else is the person in the absence and from when will the person be back available. Make sure the message is not too lengthy and is set up easily and conveniently understood by the email users. Try to manage your absence in such a way that the client doesn’t get affected and uninformed.

    Thank you for your e-mail. I will be on leave on 26th Jan with no access to email. I will revert to you on my return on 27th Jan.
    07-01-19secrets of the most productive peopleThese OOO messages will encourage people to leave you alone on vacation

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    Don’t forget all our offices will be closed for the Public Holidays this Thursday date. [Company name] will be closed to celebrate [Holiday name] and we will resume normal operation on [date]
    3.) Herzlich willkommen bei der Mustermann AG. Unsere Büros in Berlin sind heute wegen einem Feiertag geschlossen. Sie erreichen uns an Werktagen jeweils von Montag bis Freitag von 9 bis 12 und von 13 bis 18 Uhr. Für allgemeine Anfragen können Sie uns auch eine E-Mail an [email protected] senden. Besten Dank. Wir wünschen Ihnen einen schönen Tag – ihre Mustermann AG.

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    If you're using Mail, you may be surprised to learn that there are no settings or preferences that can enable you to setup an auto-reply like you would on a corporate email system. And there are no preferences for it on iCloud either (hint hint, Apple). The only thing you can do to get around this problem is to setup an Auto Reply rule in Mail. And that's what we're going to show you how to do.

    Oh heavens no. All I ask of an out of office is that it tells me when the person will be back (if known) and who I can contact in the interim.
    These work voicemail greetings are for the work phone that you and only you use. They’re highly effective because they help you establish a relationship straight from the voicemail. Or they help you share an important update in a simple, straightforward way.

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    But I’ve also seen this tactic used for a week’s vacation, which seems… aggressive.
    I’ll be sure to reply to your message when I wade through my inbox upon my return. If your message is time-sensitive, please send an email to [contact name] at [contact email].

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The one from “Central Intelligence” with the Rock that I love is is (paraphrasing) :

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Well, on the one hand, it’s rude, on the other hand, odds are at least fairly high that the person ended up having to reach out to someone else to get it done. Or that it’ll take the person another week or two just to find their problem in a thousand emails that came in while they were on vacation.

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We are closed on [your business' closed days]. Please leave us a message with your name, number, and any other necessary information, and we will return your call when the office reopens. Thank you for calling." As you can see, this professional voicemail greeting is similar to the absent receptionist greeting but more inclusive.

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Top 7 business voicemail greetings. 1. Hi, you’ve reached [ you name] of [ your business ]. I’m sorry that I’m not available to answer your call at the present time. Please leave your name, number and a quick message at the tone and I’ll forward your message to the appropriate person. 2.

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