If it’s not that infinite loop of autoreply hell, you get the “I will not be reading or responding to any email sent during this time. Please resend your request after August 1st.” dismissal.
It Rhymes! Rejection doesn’t have to hurt. Why not soften the blow with an adorable poem that informs and delights? Thanks for the email, but I’m afraid to say I cannot reply as I am away.
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I wrote the above comment off the top of my head. I wish I had time to rewrite and edit it. I would have changed “their goldfish” to “a spider they accidentally stepped on”, and would have added more detail to the story of the sister’s death (e.g. “her Pomeranian yapping” rather than the less descriptive “her dog barking”). Unfortunately, I could not do the thorough writing job required for that comment because someone close to me recently … – The person whose out of office advertised his gig on the weekend, for anyone in travelling to [city] – The people in a certain department who have taken to saying things like “if you really need to contact me, call 000-YYY-XXXX where Y is the square root of [insert numbers] and X is the year plutonium was discovered.” – The ones where people have an auto response saying they only check their emails once a day between 1-2pm – “I’m on research leave and I may be slow to reply.” (Whereby it is guaranteed they will reply immediately, because academics do not *really* take breaks).
Out of office emails should be short, succinct, and to the point – and should never include more information than is needed.
The science fiction writer John Scalzi says “The failure mode of clever is asshole,” which seems to apply here.
3. "Hey, this is [your name]. If you're calling for [X reason], please [contact so-and-so] or [go to our website, send me an email]. For all other inquiries, leave your name and a brief message and I'll call you back within [one, two, three] business day[s]."
One of my favorite OOO messages I ever received was from a customer who was a barrister or soliciter (not sure the right term for an English lawyer). It said he would be unavailable because he is “on trial.”
I just say that I’m out of the office. Practically, it makes no difference where this office is located.
Gotta go, my fingers are frostbitten. If you really need me, either get a shovel and dig me out of here, or reach out to my colleague Anna — who’s not frozen under snow with frostbitten fingers — at [email protected]
Thank you for calling [Company Name]. Our offices are currently closed for the day. Standard office hours are Monday to Friday, 8 AM to 8 PM Eastern Time. Did you know that you can check your account status with us 24 hours a day / 7 days a week by visiting [account login webpage]? Here you can view information about your account, as well as answers to general questions you may have. Otherwise, please call back during standard office hours, and we will be happy to assist you. To repeat this message, press the # key. Holiday Greetings
I apologize in advance for any inconvenience that this may cause you, and I want you to know that I can help you rectify this if you contact me on the email or phone number below.
When I tweeted this, some people argued that the pollster above was using his wife as an excuse. This might be true (and, if so, is probably a bad defense mechanism from some of the work culture habits described earlier). Another possible explanation is that the pollster is telling the truth — his inability to try and balance a vacation with some light work time built in is understandably frustrating and exhausting to those around him.
I’ll return on [date] or after I watch [favourite holiday movie] one too many times (whichever comes first)—and will respond to your message at that time.
Thank you for your email! I am on vacation. Vacations are not for checking email, so I won’t be doing that. Fortunately, we rarely encounter life and death situations in the world of [INDUSTRY TYPE], and aren’t we all glad for that? If you think I’m checking email because you just received an email from me, that is only because I figured out the pixies that send emails on a schedule. Really, I’m not checking email.
Even if I do have access to my email while I’m vacation, I typically do “I’m out of office with no access to email or voicemail until (date). For anything requiring immediate attention please contact (boss).” If I happen to check my email I can still forward the important ones, but otherwise hopefully people get the message that I will not be responding.
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