Found it! (Reddit’s own search functionality is garbage, but it’s so easy to google for reddit posts, thankfully)
Hi. Our office will remain closed for Christmas. We assure you that all your emails will be answered as soon as we return to the office. Merry Christmas!
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But some of us just aren’t as lucky. Or if we’re traveling during the winter and heading up north — well, we’re going to run into some snow, aren’t we?
It Rhymes! Rejection doesn’t have to hurt. Why not soften the blow with an adorable poem that informs and delights? Thanks for the email, but I’m afraid to say I cannot reply as I am away.
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See, in my head, “as soon as possible” reads simply as a more formal way of saying “I will respond at my earliest convenience.” Like, either way, this person is getting back to you as soon as they can, whatever that actually means.
The appropriate tone depends on the holiday. If you’re closing for Christmas or New Year’s, it’s safe to assume your customers expect you to be festive and maybe even humorous. Conversely, if you’re closed for Veterans’ day, your email should strike a more serious chord. Use our templates and double-check your tone before you hit send.
That’s why I instituted group email addresses/boxes for this use (I had to fight with IT to have one created in the early days). Yes, everyone has their individual email in addition to the group mailbox.
It is not appropriate to say in the message that you will get back on the day you return from your vacation. You may have a lot of work to take care of on your first day after getting back; you don’t want to promise something you won’t be able to fulfil.
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If you need any help, I'm sure that contacting anyone else in the company will also be a waste of time.
Of course the people on my project never use the calendar for work trips. I don’t find out that someone is on travel until I get the OOO autoreply. Weirdly, everyone puts their personal leave on the calendar and includes the reason, especially doctor visits. I don’t need to know why you are absent.
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If you need immediate assistance before then, you may reach me on my mobile – (Mobile Number).
I appreciate your message. I am out of the office currently with no office email access. However, return on the following [date-of-return].
It is a shame it doesn’t work for people who are not saved as contacts. Hopefully Apple will realize this shortcoming at some point.