1) Communicate when a person will be back, or if they are out for an indeterminate period of time, tell me who I should be contacting instead 2) Communicate what I should expect. (For example, when I do my monthly reports, I have an out of office message that says that I’ll be slow to respond. I *will* actually check my email at least a couple of times, but I generally won’t respond to anything non-urgent.) 3) If the person is in a job that handles urgent requests, list who I need to contact instead if it can’t wait until they get back.
Agreed! A bit of warmth is fine, sure, but it’s not the place for chattiness — that’s for talking to an actual person. I want an OOO message to tell me that the person is out, when they’ll be back, and who I should contact in the meantime if need be. No objections to multiple options there, whether it’s “X for llama grooming issues and Y for llama tea parties” or “X for routine questions, Y if it’s urgent, Z if it’s an emergency,” but I want to be able to absorb the useful info quickly and move on.

This is true! The nuclear option also helps the recently returned vacationer understand what is a priority and what isn’t. But, as boyd wrote, “if you just turn off your email with no warning, you're bound to piss off your friends, family, colleagues, and clients.” The blog post offers some helpful steps to make a clean break feasible — they include communicating with colleagues about the sabbatical long in advance, managing expectations of those who rely on you, creating a backdoor for true emergencies, and then, right before going away, reminding everyone about the sabbatical once again.
Here is a quick checklist of 65 messages that will be useful to make your holiday closing smooth and efficient, from setting gone-for-the-holiday notifications to resetting thermostats.