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The science fiction writer John Scalzi says “The failure mode of clever is asshole,” which seems to apply here.

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How about a little retro concrete poetry – you know, where you arrange your words on the screen to form an image of a palm tree or a pina colada?
Automated email messages generate a 70.5% higher open rate and a 152% higher click-through rate than standard marketing messages. Briefing what would be the next step of action gives customers transparent information. .

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Sample voicemail for individual’s work phone: “You have reached the voicemail for (name) at The University of Toledo. The University is closed for winter break. Please leave your name, number and a brief message after the tone, and I will return your call after New Year's Day. Thank you and happy holidays.”
Website: https://spencercork.co.uk/2020/03/09/corionavirus-office-closed-recorded-message/

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Thank you for being part of our family. Happy holidays!From our family to yours, wishing you a joyful and warm holiday season!We appreciate you continuing to choose us. Here’s to a wonderful next year, too!We love working with you. Hoping you have a fantastic holiday season with plenty of festivities!Making the dream work requires clients like you who believe in us. Happy holidays!We appreciate your business. May you have a happy holiday season!Thank you for believing in us. Let’s look forward to an even better new year. Happy holidays!A big thank you for helping us reach new heights this year. Wishing you a warm holiday greeting!Thank you for choosing us! Happy holidays to you and your family.We value every customer. Happy holidays, and thank you for choosing us!Final Thoughts
(first line in the second one refers to the new exec for our function starting that same week – an internal move). If I can get the date I’ll be back into the haiku I do, otherwise I put it afterwards, along with the person to contact in my absence. Obviously if I’m off sick or otherwise can’t be bothered I don’t do the haiku.

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3. Delayed response templates. If you are working, but can't reply to emails easily, make this clear in your out of office message. This will easily set a sender's response expectations.

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My new job provided a template OOO as part of the onboarding brand templates package! I’m sure it might seem like overkill to some, but I’ve had tons of nervous first-job employees ask me what theirs should say, so I loved that they just gave a sample to go from. Also goes a long way in communicating that unique office culture stuff that is usually unspoken/not formalized.

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    I start work at 9.30am but always leave the OOO on until at least then and schedule it until 10am – that way if the backlog is terrifying, people who email me that morning will know why I’m not replying straightaway. Similar to how some people mark their first day back from a few weeks off as out of office so they don’t have meetings (which is a great idea although I rarely do it).

    Christmas email signatures are one of the most popular seasonal signatures. Nothing strange here, the holiday mood starts well before actual Christmas date. And because your email signature is the beating heart of your professional correspondence, holidays are the perfect moment to refresh your email signature design.
    I love this! I don’t think its annoying at all– its literally sharing the mission of your work.

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    But despite these (fantastic) suggestions, the number one rule for choosing your out of office is that it reflects who you are as a person. Don’t change for anyone, especially not your auto-responder.

    Hello, I’m out of the office until [DATE]. However, I will be taking periodic breaks from binge-watching everything I’ve missed to check my email [once per day/every evening/occasionally] while I’m away. If this matter isn’t time-sensitive, rest assured that I’ll respond when I’m back in the office. But, if this is an urgent request, please resend any messages that require my immediate attention with a subject line of “URGENT: [Original Subject]”. All the best.
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    There's no shame in using Christmas to indulge in your childhood movie tastes, but there is shame in not sharing that adorable side of yourself when people are trying to reach you during the holidays.

    Way too long, but so hilarious. I don’t get condescending at all. I’m drooling while imagining I had this on my work phone when everyone thought their requests were life or death. Actually, I wanted my message to say, “I realize you think your request is vitally important, but I’d like to reassure you: I worked in a hospital years ago, and good news! It’s really not.”
    Creating a voicemail greeting might not be fun, but with the scripts I’ve shared, you should have an easier time. No need to practice time and time again — simply plug in your name, company title, and other details, then read it out loud to your phone’s voicemail greeting recorder. With a professional greeting, you’ll continue nurturing prospects even if you don’t pick up the phone.

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    I don’t do them for meetings. I do have one that I turn on every Tuesday afternoon since I don’t work Wednesdays. In our culture it’s not uncommon for people to check EMail when they’re off. I don’t do that so I need to let people know. I also put a status message up on Teams. I work with a team of 40 people and I can’t expect them all to remember when I’m there and when I’m not!

    It’s my favorite time of year, which means I’m currently away from my inbox chugging mugs of cocoa, stuffing my face with cookies, and attempting to fulfill my life-long goal of memorizing every single line of [your favorite holiday movie].
    Christmas Relay Game For Family Fun Moms Munchkins Christmas Fun Christmas Games Relay Games Happy New Year Email Template 794 How To Memorize Things Happy New Year Email Templates

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We also had to reply to any emails we received within 4 hours. Even if we didn’t have an answer.

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It doesn’t work when a group text is sent, is their a workaround for that situation?

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At my old job, you used to nominate a contact for when you were out of the office and there wasn’t an obvious person to contact. One department was so small that they all just put the all team email so they never had to change it. Trouble is, it turns out Outlook team emails by default only accept internal messages :X

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Found it! (Reddit’s own search functionality is garbage, but it’s so easy to google for reddit posts, thankfully)

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