To whom it may concern. You’ve tried to reach Wilbur and Ed. We aren’t here at the moment, but if you want, you can leave your contact information at the tone and one of the brood will get to you shortly. Take care, thanks for the call.
You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

10. Max Wait Time Reached Message. What the caller hears when they have been waiting in the queue for the maximum amount of time. Sample Scripts: “You have exceeded the waiting limit for this queue.
Follow the instructions and press that number. You will be asked to delete your current Voicemail greeting. Click on the ‘Yes’ button that appears on the screen if you want to remove that. You can save your new recorded Voicemail greeting or can use the default recorded option. From the home screen, select the Phone app. Note: Alternately, you can set up voicemail by selecting the Phone app then selecting and holding the 1 key. Select Keypad, then select the Visual Voicemail icon. Select Start. Select Ok. From any Home screen, tap the Menu key. Tap Settings. Tap Call settings. Tap Voicemail. Tap Voicemail again. View the voicemail number. Press and hold the 1 on your device’s dial pad to call and connect to your voicemail. Press the star * key to access the main menu. Press 4 to access the mailbox options. Press 7 to change the language of the voicemail prompts to either Spanish or English.