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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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We have carefully chosen words for this English Voicemail Greeting Script that are easy for non-native English speakers to pronounce.
It’s important that your voicemail makes a good impression and conveys professionalism to anyone who calls. Here at UniTel Voice, we specialize in helping business owners set up a virtual voicemail system that not only helps them sound professional but also keeps them connected with voicemail-to-email and voicemail transcription (voice-to-text) technology. .

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For our virtual receptionists, answering the phone is a chance to show off our super-friendly stuff. A company’s greeting plays a key part in making an impeccable impression on a caller, and we love helping new clients craft greetings that wow! Without further ado, here are three Ruby-approved elements to use when answering the phone: A greeting.
Hi, you have reached …. Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call.

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3. Stammer-Filled Voicemail Greeting from Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy Stewart, born James Maitland Stewart, has a voice that is unmistakable and 100% unique to him.
If you need more information about our professional voicemail greetings, contact us now and let’s get things started.

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We’ve all had to make phone calls we wish we didn’t have to make. While the phone rings, we pray the person doesn’t answer, so we can simply leave a voicemail message.

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Welcome to Business 1300 where our mission is to make your business even more outstanding. To better assist us in transferring the call to the appropriate person please select from one of the following options: Press one for Sales, two for Customer Service, and three for Reception. Promote your website and social media accounts. Sell additional products or services to already interested prospects. Answer FAQs Keep callers entertained while waiting. Supply important customer service information.

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    Insurance agents have to deal with large numbers of clients almost all through the year. So, they are extremely busy and cannot take calls of clients. For them resorting to voicemail messages become inevitable. Here is one instance of VOIP phone service for businesses like this:

    5. Catch their attention: “Hey, there! This is [your name]. Please leave me a message with your name, number, and the reason you’re calling. If you also tell me [insert random fact] I’ll be sure to move you to the top of my call list.
    If you know of any others that should be added to this list, please send them to me. Professional Voice Over Recordings GREETINGS ON HOLD MESSAGES VOICE-PROMPTS & MORE

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    To set up your voicemail, press *98, *68, or #55 (varies by location) from your home phone or call the retrieval number you received with your welcome letter. Voice prompts will guide you through the rest of the steps.

    To best assist your callers and effectively route their calls, you will need to classify your call types.
    When you receive a voicemail, a notification will alert you on Skype for Business apps, desktop phone, and email app. If the caller hangs-up before leaving a message, you will receive a Missed-Call Notification email with the caller information (if it was not blocked). What's it like for callers to leave messages? Depending on the users settings for Call Answering Rules Callers can hear a greeting, record a message (up to 5 minutes), and/or choose to be transferred to the target defined by the user. Visit your User Settings Portal https://aka.ms/vmsettings to learn more. Repeat menu All of the menu prompts will be repeated for callers so if they don't press a key on their phone before hanging-up, the menu prompt will be repeated three times. Thank you! Any more feedback? (The more you tell us the more we can help.) Can you help us improve? (The more you tell us the more we can help.) Resolved my issue Clear instructions Easy to follow No jargon Pictures helped Other Didn't match my screen Incorrect instructions Too technical Not enough information Not enough pictures Microsoft in education Office for students Office 365 for schools Deals for students & parents Microsoft Azure in education English (United States) Sitemap Contact Microsoft Privacy Manage cookies Terms of use Trademarks Safety & eco About our ads © Microsoft 2021

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    Here are a few sample voice mail greetings to get you started: Standard Voice Mail Greetings. Normal Greeting (Without pager notification) "This is (name) of (company). I'm currently unable to take your call. Please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, and I will contact you as soon as possible. Thanks."

    Tip: If you’re not sure how to leave a good voicemail, check out the most effective voicemail script ever and how to end a voicemail that keeps the sales conversation open.
    The last few years have seen a huge rise in the use of automated voicemails and auto-attendant greetings. This has been especially true for the business sector, where professionals should record friendly and polite voicemails to greet their customer callers.

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    This is not an answering machine–this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.

    10. "Hello, you've reached [X company]. We can't take your call right now, but please leave your name, contact information, and reason for reaching out, and one of our team members will be in touch within 24 hours."
    By asking for information such as full patient name, date of birth, and phone number, you can increase your chances of being able to successfully return a call, even if the message is difficult to decipher.

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Hi! I seem to be in the room, but I can’t quite locate my phone at the moment. If you leave a message and number, I’ll ring you up whenever I find it, or if you happen to know where I left it, let me know!

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5. "Hello, [Person's name] is chasing new adventures and is no longer with [Company name]. Please forward all future requests to [New or interim person's name] at [phone number].

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4. "Hello, you've reached [your name and title]. I'm currently out on parental leave until [date]. In the meantime, please direct all phone calls to [alternate contact name] at [phone number] and emails to [email address]. Thanks, and I'll see you in [month you'll be back in the office]."

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Doing this helps you understand what the prospects are looking for and what they are expecting from you which will in turn help you to cater to them better.

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