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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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2. Professional voicemail greetings for your business cell phone number. It’s a good practice for each of your team members to have their own personal business phone numbers.
Simply speak into your phone or computer while recording a greeting with your business phone service. If you need to create your own audio file, the voice memo app on your phone should do fine. .

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Insurance agents have to deal with large numbers of clients almost all through the year. So, they are extremely busy and cannot take calls of clients. For them resorting to voicemail messages become inevitable. Here is one instance of VOIP phone service for businesses like this:
Avoid using ‘please’ more than once, it gets wordy and redundant. The goal is to keep the content as concise as possible, moving callers quickly and seamlessly through the options.

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Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages In 1935, Willy Müller invented the world’s first automatic answering machine. It was a three-foot-tall machine popular with Orthodox Jews who were forbidden to answer the phone on the Sabbath.
3) Press the OK soft key or Select (depending on model). You will hear a confirmation tone. This information as well instructions for other features your model may have can also be found in your owner's manual. Ring Time allows you to set the number of rings the caller hears before your answering system plays the outgoing message. You can set the ring time to answer after two, four,or six rings. If you enable the Toll Saver (TS), the answering system picks up after two rings if you have new messages, and after four rings if there are none. 1) Simply move the "Ring Time" switch to the desired selection. This switch can be found on the side of the base To operate your answering system when you are away from home, you will need to enter a two-digit security code or Personal Identification Number (PIN). The default security code is 80. 3) Press the OK soft key or Select key (depending on model). You will hear a confirmation tone.

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Your prospects are under the impression that a brand will be always available to cater to them, now for some circumstances, a few brands might not be able to serve their prospects 24/7 which is why creating a voicemail message becomes useful.

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Secondly, what is the default voicemail greeting on iPhone? The default voicemail greeting on the iPhone plays generic Your call has been forward to an automated voice message system recording. If you use your phone for work, create a personalized greeting that tells people you're a professional. Hi, this is [name]. I can't come to the phone right now. Hi, this is [name]. I can't get to the phone right now, but leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you for calling. You have reached the office of [name], [position at company]. Thank you for calling [name] at [company].

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    11.) Herzlich Willkommen bei der Mustermann GmbH, Leider erreichen Sie uns ausserhalb unserer Geschäftszeiten oder wir können Ihren Anruf momentan nicht entgegen nehmen. Wenn Sie uns eine Nachricht hinterlassen möchten, dann schreiben Sie uns bitte eine Email an [email protected] - Wir werden uns so schnell wie möglich bei Ihnen melden. Mehr Informationen über uns erfahren Sie auch auf unserer Webseite www.mustermann.de. Vielen Dank für Ihren Anruf.

    When on vacation, provide your callers with a return date and a back-up contact person to accommodate emergencies. This prevents you from potentially damaging a valued relationship while you enjoy some time off.
    While straightforward is always the safe bet, certain entities can go to the humorous side of voicemail greetings. Before taking this route, consider the type of callers and the persona the recipient is trying to convey. Since (insert name) isn’t available at the moment to take your call, but will promptly return it should you decide to accept your mission and leave your name and number, we have a very important question to occupy you in the meantime. Why did the chicken cross the road? Voicemail Greetings For Vacation

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    When unable to answer the phone, a voicemail message can be important. Below are examples of what to say in a voicemail message. Whether recording the message for a personal phone or a business line, these ideas will help.

    Choose from male or female voice talent, and from multiple voice tones including natural, energetic and professional. Select one that best suits your brand and industry. Our Voice Artists are some of the most experienced in Australia and have produced countless voice overs including TV and Radio Ads.
    Well done on recording your new professional voicemail greeting with script! Remember that you can update it again in a few months time. I recommend you open your online diary, choose a date 4 months from now and type in – Update Voicemail Greeting with Speech Active’s Video. Your listening skills and pronunciation will be even better than they are now. Especially if you continue your improvement with one of our tailored online English Pronunciation & Fluency Courses.

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    This is the message that is used in personal physical answering machines and in the network answering machines offered by telephone operators. ORDER YOUR MESSAGES This is the voicemail of the lawyer John Smith, the lawyer can not answer at the moment, leave a message after the tone and you’ll be called back as soon as possible.
    Want more sales templates? Let our automated software simplify your sales process. Schedule a LIVE Demo of our lead management software and turn more leads into customers with less work!

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    Here’s another funny one for those times you really want to lighten the business mood:

    You might also consider giving them the option to skip your voicemail message completely by pressing another key (again, check with IT). You also want to make callers aware what you will return their call, instead of telling them that you will try to return their call--and let them know when you are likely to do it, if possible. If necessary, provide additional or emergency information in your voicemail greetings. My dentist, for example, lists his cell phone number for emergencies.
    While missed calls aren’t ideal, you can let your caller know you’re still there for them by having a great voicemail greeting. The best business voicemail greetings let your customers (and potential customers) know why you’re not available and how they can best get in contact with your business. They are also short and to the point. You usually want to keep your greeting between 6 and 24 seconds long so callers don’t hang up halfway through.

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17. “Hi, you’ve reached [your name, the office of X company]. We’re closed until [date]. Please leave your name and phone number and someone will return your call ASAP. Have a great [New Year’s, Fourth of July, day].”

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5. Voicemail greetings for holidays. Your customers might need you on the holidays. If you’re a business owner, you know this already. 🙂 Manage customer expectations and let them know how to get assistance.

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5. Catch their attention: “Hey, there! This is [your name]. Please leave me a message with your name, number, and the reason you’re calling. If you also tell me [insert random fact] I’ll be sure to move you to the top of my call list.

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