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And this one (from Brad Lund, of Baltimore) made me giggle loudest and longest: "This is the Lund residence. The answering machine is on vacation. This is the refrigerator speaking. State your message slowly and clearly. I'll write it down and stick it to myself with one of those little magnets."

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A word of warning: These greetings will not do you any favors if you're in the midst of a job hunt or work in a conservative industry. Always remember your target personas. If there's a chance they won't appreciate your sense of humor, opt for a straightforward greeting instead.
Call 800-201-4099. A representative will ask you a series of questions to verify your identity, and then will reset your PIN for you. .

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Answering Machine Messages (Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number.
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Here are some examples of voicemail greetings for your direct business line that are both personal and professional. Enjoy!
“Hi, you’ve reached [XYZ Company]. We can’t take your call right now but feel free to call back during business hours from [hour] to [hour], Monday through Friday. In case of an urgent query, you can contact us through our website [URL] and access our live chat.

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3. Hello. Oh hi, how are you? It has been so long. How have you been? We have to meet this weekend. How about I call you around… beep.

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Here, the DUI lawyer ensures the clients are assured of help at the earliest and to tackle emergency situations he/she offers an alternate number.

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    Here are a few sample voice mail greetings to get you started: Standard Voice Mail Greetings. Normal Greeting (Without pager notification) "This is (name) of (company). I'm currently unable to take your call. Please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, and I …

    “Hello, you’ve reached the special agent Bond. James Bond. Okay okay, it’s actually [last name]. I’m currently away saving the world on a top-secret mission but I will get back to you as soon as possible. Please leave your name, contact info, number, and availability and I’ll call back as soon as I’m done helping M16. Have a great day. [last name] out!”
    Some people are more interested in recording an answering machine greeting that gives just the bare minimum of information. Such a greeting might be: “You’ve reached 555-5555. Please leave a message and we’ll get back to you soon.” What this salutation may lack in imagination, it may make up for in personal security, especially if you’re getting calls from telemarketers. Note that you don’t give your name, don’t reveal who lives in your home, and don’t say that you’re not at home. Occasionally thieves do call a home to verify the person’s presence at home or lack thereof. You’re essentially not committing to anything but your phone number in this kind of message, and the short message is likely to please cellphone callers. An answering machine greeting for a home business could be used to promote products, such as makeup.

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    3.) Bienvenido/a a John Doe. En estos momentos no podemos atender su llamada o nos está llamando fuera de nuestro horario de oficina. Por favor, déjenos un mensaje con su nombre y número de teléfono, le devolveremos la llamada lo antes posible. Gracias y hasta pronto.

    My ass and I are out for a walk. So as soon as I can get my ass back in the house, I’ll give you a call. Leave a message till then.
    By default beginning April 2017, voicemail transcription is available for all Phone System in Microsoft 365 users. When you receive a voicemail, the message will be transcribed in the body of the voicemail email you receive in your mailbox. If you do not want to have transcription for your messages, ask your admin to disable it for you.

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    9. Holiday Closures. Thank you for calling [Company Name]; we are currently closed in observance of [holiday name]. We will return on [Date] at 8 AM Eastern Time.

    Crafting the perfect voicemail greeting is not as easy as it may seem at first glance, depending on the type of greeting: Business, funny, professional, formal, and informal, you need. Below, we’ve included some tips in creating the perfect voicemail greeting. Go over them, then when you complete your final voicemail script, revisit these tips again to make certain you’ve covered all the bases.
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    8. “Thanks for calling [your name] at [your company]. I didn’t mean to send you to voicemail but I am either on the line with another client or on the go. Leave your name, number, the reason for your call today and the best time to call you back. I’ll speak with you shortly! ” Your caller probably wanted to reach you, not your voicemail. Advise your caller that you’re simply on the line with another caller and you’ll be right with them.

    "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."
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4. Give them a realistic expectation: “Congratulations! You’ve reached the right person! It’s [your name]. Unfortunately, you’ve called at the wrong time. Please leave a message with all your contact information, and I’ll call you back within 24 hours.”

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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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7.) Bienvenue chez John Doe DE, votre spécialiste des produits d'échantillon. Si vous le souhaitez-vous pouvez passer une commande, puis utiliser le processus de commande dans notre boutique en ligne www.johndoe.de - Nous nous réjouissons de votre commande. Pour toutes autres questions, communiquez avec notre service par courriel à [email protected] - nous reviendrons vers vous dès que possible. Merci pour votre appel.

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Using humor is appropriate in some situations, but humor should be avoided in situations including serious businesses where reputations could be damaged or people could become upset. Both funny and sincere examples are included for a variety of options. These answering machine messages are the type that most people leave. These can be used for non-business or personal phones. Hi, you've reached ___-____. Please leave a message and I'll get back with you soon. Thanks. You know what to do. Thanks for calling. Just leave a message and we’ll get back with you. We’re sorry we can’t answer the phone right now, but we would love to get back with you as soon as we can. Just let us know what we can help you with and leave a number for us to get back with you soon. You've reached the voice mail of ______. I'm either away from my phone or talking with someone else. Leave me a message and I'll be happy to return your call. Hi. I must be away from my phone at the moment. Please leave me a message. I'll get back to you. These business answering messages can be edited to fit any type of business. It is important to anticipate what your callers may want to know even if the callers are not able to get anyone on the phone. It's always a good idea to let callers know exactly when their calls may be returned and to list the operating hours.

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