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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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I finally got an answering machine. But how does this useless thing work? Aah, the record button, which I already pressed. The light is on. I wonder why the machine is not working properly? I wonder what this button right here does… beep
Education Details: A Professional Voicemail Greeting Takes your Business to the Next Level. Now that you’ve had an opportunity to hear a variety of great business voicemail greeting samples, you know that help is available to get just the sound and image you’re looking for. .

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Hello, it’s obvious you have bad timing, because nobody is home. Please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned as soon as humanly possible.
8. We could be in, we could be out. You could leave us a message and later find out.

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-Hello, caller. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number, and a short message after the tone. This message will self destruct. BOOM! (not followed by a beep)
Education Details: The voicemail greeting is an important element of your business’ phone system because it is often the first impression of your business that customers will have. Creating a really good voicemail greeting is a unique opportunity that you can use to impress customers by putting your best face on, while increasing the chances that you’ll retain their business in those times …

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7. “Hi, you’ve reached [your name] at [your company]. Sorry I missed your call. I’m especially busy today, but if you leave me your name, phone number, and a brief message, I’ll get back to you within the day. Chat soon!” Your callers want to hear from you soon. Calling back within the business day lets them know you’re reliable despite how busy you are.

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Shared voicemail and call routing is intended for multiple access and directing calls to one or multiple phones. Mobile apps are also available that allow you to check your messages from your phone. The below infographic outlines the current state and trends of voicemails.

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    If done tastefully, you can promote your products or services on your voicemail greeting without sounding pushy. In fact, it’s a great way to keep customers up-to-date on company events, sales, and other news. Be sure to keep it short and have fun with it.

    When you create a voicemail message, the next thing you need to ensure is that your prospects are aware that they have reached the right person so no confusion takes place.
    For more information about how the latest innovations in voicemail technology can revolutionize business, visit https://www.voicemailoffice.com

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    9. Holiday Closures. Thank you for calling [Company Name]; we are currently closed in observance of [holiday name]. We will return on [Date] at 8 AM Eastern Time.

    Website: https://funny-about-money.com/phone-solicitor-discouragement-the-long-winded-voicemail-message/
    Here are a few reasons why professionally produced cell phone greetings and voice messages will help your business while you're on the move: The quality of voice and production that comes with a professionally produced voice mail greeting will tell your callers that you are a professional and someone to be reckoned with in the business world. If your business is global, your voicemail greeting can be translated and recorded and produced in multiple languages for your business audience. Skillfully tailorded, your voice mail message can also be used for promoting a new product, service or milestone for your business.

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    Random facts could include their favorite movie, vacation spot, candy, or television show. Regardless of what you choose, it will surprise your caller and more than likely make them leave a message if they were considering hanging up.

    You might also consider giving them the option to skip your voicemail message completely by pressing another key (again, check with IT). You also want to make callers aware what you will return their call, instead of telling them that you will try to return their call--and let them know when you are likely to do it, if possible. If necessary, provide additional or emergency information in your voicemail greetings. My dentist, for example, lists his cell phone number for emergencies.
    Below are some of the best clean funny answering machine (voicemail) messages! Want to know the best part? You can try using them in your answering machine or voice mailbox life.

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    31. Hi, this is [your name] at [your company]. If you are calling for [include reason] please visit our [website, social media handle, etc.], contact [name and title of colleague and phone number] or send me an email at [insert email address]. For other inquiries, leave a brief message and your name and number and I will call you back by [timeframe].
    Pricing Features All Features Mobile App Call Menu Options Local & Toll-Free Business Numbers Business Call Routing Client Notes CRM Port My Business Number What is a Virtual Phone System? What is a Virtual Phone Number? Reviews About Us Blog FAQ Log In What is a Professional Voicemail Greeting? Why is Having a Great Business Voicemail Greeting Important? How to Create Your Own Professional Business Voicemail Greeting Record Your Own Text-To Speech Technology Hire Professional Voice-Over Talent Top 13 Professional Voicemail Greetings – Examples, Scripts, Samples, Audio Recordings Company Voicemail Greetings Department Voicemail Greetings Personal Business Voicemail Greetings Small Business Resources for Business & Personal Growth

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“Hi, you’ve called [name] at [XYZ company]. I’m currently busy [hiking through a rainforest, exploring China, climbing Mount Peru etc.] and so I can’t take your call right now. I won’t be back in the office until [date] and I look forward to hearing from you then.

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17. “Hi, you’ve reached [your name, the office of X company]. We’re closed until [date]. Please leave your name and phone number and someone will return your call ASAP. Have a great [New Year’s, Fourth of July, day].”

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I can’t answer the phone right now, but if you leave me a message with your name and phone number, I will return your call as soon as possible. You have reached Jim Bucki. I can’t take your call at the moment but please don’t hesitate to leave a message after the tone. I will return your call as soon as I am able.

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25. "Hello! Thanks for reaching out to [company]. We're closed today for the holiday, and will reopen tomorrow. If you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll give you a call when we're back in the office. Thanks again, and have a great day."

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