19. "Hello, you've reached [your name]. I'm currently [exploring Asia, hiking through the jungle in Costa Rica, hanging out on the beach in Bermuda] — or more likely, [recovering from extreme jet lag, googling ‘Are red spiders poisonous,' or looking for SPF 150 sunscreen] and won't be back in the office until [date]. Leave your contact info and reason for calling and I'll get in touch then."
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"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of *your* voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you."
If you need to leave a voice mail message for a client, Smith offers these ideas on how to make the most of your message. “First, I am a big fan of the belt and suspender method,” she says. “So, the office would call; if the person is not there, the voice mail message is brief and is followed immediately with an email with all of the
Good day, you have reached the office of [Name]. I’m away for the weekend. If you require my immediate assistance, please call 555-555-2345. Otherwise, if this is a casual call, please leave your name, number and a brief message, and I’ll get back to you on Monday.
When I was in my 20s, I had an answering machine with a 30 second outgoing message tape. I thought it would be fun to come up with all sorts of cute or funny messages for my friends to hear just before the beep. It got pretty elaborate sometimes, with celebrity impersonations and movie spoofs and other things. I didn't usually get many important phone calls anyway, so I didn't see any harm in being funny for the few people who did call.
2. "Hi, you've reached [name] at [company]. If you need a quick response, please shoot me an email at [insert email address] and I'll be in touch by EOD tomorrow.
Hi there! You’ve reached the sewer on the next street. I can’t get to the phone right now, but if you take a wee walk, I’ll be at the sewer grate with the red balloon…floating. Please feel free to join me.
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1. HI, you’ve reached (name). I’m so sorry I can’t pick up the call right now because I am standing right behind you. GOTCHA.
Thank you for your patience and understanding during this time. I will respond as soon as possible.
Thank you for your message. I am away from the office leading a workshop Dec. 1–4. I will be checking email throughout the day and will try to respond to messages promptly (please flag urgent messages as high importance). However, if you need immediate assistance, please contact Johnny Woo at [email protected] or 465-555-1098.
Hello, (your name) summer home. Some are home, some aren’t. Leave your message at the tone.
Please leave me a message, and I will return your call upon my return. Thank you for calling. Hi, this is Jim Smith. I am currently out of town and will be returning on July 14. If you leave me a message that includes your name, telephone number and reason for calling, I will return your call when I get back. You have reached Jim Smith.
While covering all of the relevant information, aim to keep your voicemail to about 20 seconds. You definitely should not ever record a business voicemail longer than 30 seconds, and anything less than 10 seconds will typically mean that you are either speaking too quickly or aren’t providing all of the required information.
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