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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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We’re keeping it simple with this one. Just a few basic elements to help you get started. As long as you know who your audience is, the message you wish to convey, and the information you need from the caller, the rest should fall into place quite nicely. Let’s face it, a voicemail greeting for a lumber company will probably be different than that of a psychologist’s office. One greeting is aimed at securing potential customers, and the other is geared towards appointments, more or less. Once you are certain who your caller is, the better your voicemail. Center on your audience, first and foremost. Knowing what to relate ensures that your caller will leave the right message. For instance, if you’re a retail store, you would include your hours of operations, and perhaps any specials that you’re running. If you are a therapist’s office, then you’d need to include an alternate number in case a patient is having an issue and requires immediate help. Again, this will vary depending on the business. Here, a therapist would definitely request the caller leave their contact information. However, a retail store chain might not request that. There are also complex voicemail systems such as those used by mobile phone services, which ask you to press a certain number on your phone, where you are asked to leave your account information. Again, as you can see, it all boils down to the demographics of your callers, and what you need from them to conduct the best business possible. Depending on the situation, your caller might be in a good mood or not. In either case, they’ll probably be eagerly awaiting your call. So, it stands to reason that you only promise them a call back if you can deliver. In other words, if you’re a small shop and you’ve decided to close due to a much-needed sabbatical, then don’t leave a voicemail greeting where you promise them to call right back. However, if you have an active customer service staff, then you can promise to return their call within the same day.
Education Details: Small Business Voicemail Greeting Examples. 4. Hi, this is [your name]. I’m unable to take your call right now but leave your name and number, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. 5. Hi, this is [your name]. I can’t get to the phone right now, but please leave a message with your name and number, and I’ll get back to you as .

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12.) Bienvenue chez JohnDoe. Vous pouvez nous joindre du lundi au vendredi de 8h à 12h30 et de 13 heures à 16h30. Nous ne pouvons pas prendre votre appel pour le moment. Laissez un message avec votre nom et votre numéro de téléphone et nous vous rappellerons dès que possible. En cas d'urgence, vous pouvez nous joindre sur le numéro 0821 91039- 1211. Merci beaucoup.

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What’s more, according to WP Beginner, “more than 88% of local searches on mobile devices end up in a phone call,” so you don’t want to be caught off guard when a customer calls!
6. Hey, sorry I missed you. There may be one of the reasons why I can’t get to the phone: a) I’m with my girl (laugh), b) I am totally wasted and can’t remember how to use a phone, or c) I just don’t wanna talk to YOU.

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Call 800-244-1111, and a representative will verify your identity and reset your PIN for you.

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    About Us Partners Guest Blog Opportunity Help Center Careers Scholarship Refer a Friend Contact Us PRODUCTS Snap Recordings Professional voice over recordings for business phone systems Products Overview Greetings Voice Prompts Message On Hold Studio Create messages in minutes using A.I. voice over technology and an intuitive message editor AMS Schedules and Bulk Uploads to your phone system in minutes PRICING STANDARD PRICING Greetings & Prompts Message On Hold PLANS & PACKAGES Word Credits Message On Hold Plans SOLUTIONS Cloud PBX Recordings IVR Recordings Call Center Recordings EXAMPLES Voices Music By Industry Scripts RESOURCES TOOLS Quoting Calculator Word Estimation Calculator Audio Converter RESOURCES How It Works Contact Us Blog Knowledge Base FAQ PARTNERS Programs Service Providers Resellers SIGN IN GET STARTED Tweet Creating solid business voicemail greetings requires a little finesse. You want to make the best impression and set the right tone. However, sometimes you need to break from the norm and create business voicemails that will do some of the work for you. Whether you are dealing with frustrated callers, want to further promote your business, or have important info to share, here are the top 8 voicemail greetings and sample voicemail scripts your business should consider.

    Website: https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/out-of-the-office-message Filter Type All Time Past 24 Hours Past Week Past month Contact List Found1. 800-555-1212 2. 465-555-1098 New Contact Listing› Microsoft Certified Professional› New York Public Service Commission› Sophos› Remote Desktop Software› Nicholas Financial› Microsoft Outlook› Whatsapp› Washington State Department Of Health› Staycity› Microphone› Email Marketing› Smartphone› Colt New Service› Mcafee› Email› Mobile PhoneBrowse All Listing » Frequently Asked QuestionsWhat is a good voicemail greeting?
    With that said, we thought it would be a good idea to provide you with a few examples of voicemail greetings. As you read through these, keep in mind that the effectiveness of your voicemail greeting is one-quarter what you say, and three-quarters how you say it.

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    If your business is off for a holiday, it's a common courtesy to update your voicemail to acknowledge the closure. Mention the closure in the beginning of the message, convey when your business is reopening, and don't forget to wish the callers a happy holiday if the occasion calls for it. If you're away from your office, check your voicemail remotely to keep up with incoming messages if necessary. Or get voicemail to email capabilities set up on your phone system. Thank you for calling Merlow Plumbing. We are closed for Christmas from December 24th, 2015, until January 2nd, 2016. Our normal business hours are Monday through Thursday, 8 am - 6 pm. Please leave your message after the tone. Have a happy holiday, and we look forward to seeing you in the New Year. 5. Emergency Situation Voicemail Greeting

    In order to ensure customer satisfaction, it is not only important how a business records their outgoing voicemail greeting, but also how they respond to incoming messages. It has been reported that most individuals do not mind leaving voicemail messages, but they can often become frustrated and disheartened when a business does not return their call in a timely manner or ignores the voicemail altogether.
    You can also use the Slydial app for iOS or Android. Create a free account with the service, then choose a contact through the app or manually enter a phone number. Once the app has connected the call, leave a voicemail, and hang up when you're finished.

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    3.) Bienvenido/a a John Doe. En estos momentos no podemos atender su llamada o nos está llamando fuera de nuestro horario de oficina. Por favor, déjenos un mensaje con su nombre y número de teléfono, le devolveremos la llamada lo antes posible. Gracias y hasta pronto.

    If your business is off for a holiday, it's a common courtesy to update your voicemail to acknowledge the closure. Mention the closure in the beginning of the message, convey when your business is reopening, and don't forget to wish the callers a happy holiday if the occasion calls for it. If you're away from your office, check your voicemail remotely to keep up with incoming messages if necessary. Or get voicemail to email capabilities set up on your phone system. Thank you for calling Merlow Plumbing. We are closed for Christmas from December 24th, 2015, until January 2nd, 2016. Our normal business hours are Monday through Thursday, 8 am - 6 pm. Please leave your message after the tone. Have a happy holiday, and we look forward to seeing you in the New Year. 5. Emergency Situation Voicemail Greeting
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    The professional voicemail greetings is the cornerstone of any good business. Not every voicemail recording is relevant to every situation. This guide is going to demonstrate some of the specific custom voicemail greeting examples for doctors, dentist, real estate agent, lawyers and other professionals. A doctor’s practice typically either has a secretary or the doctor themselves to take calls. It’s vital that you have a different voicemail based on the area of the practice the patient is calling. The information differs, but the tone of voice remains the same. It should be warm yet professional because many patients will be distressed or worried about potential symptoms and conditions.

    -This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.
    4. Include Other Contact Methods. If there are other ways to get in touch with your business, or receive information about your products, you may want to include them in the after hours greeting.

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12.) Bienvenue chez JohnDoe. Vous pouvez nous joindre du lundi au vendredi de 8h à 12h30 et de 13 heures à 16h30. Nous ne pouvons pas prendre votre appel pour le moment. Laissez un message avec votre nom et votre numéro de téléphone et nous vous rappellerons dès que possible. En cas d'urgence, vous pouvez nous joindre sur le numéro 0821 91039- 1211. Merci beaucoup.

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Here’s another funny one for those times you really want to lighten the business mood:

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I personally don't like voicemail. I don't check messages because my phone identifies missed calls. I know who these people are and why they are calling. I don't want to spend (waste)time hearing nothing of importance. I have left messages saying

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