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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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Do you find yourself putting pen to paper, staring blankly at the wall, searching for just what to say? Well, know that it happens to the best of us. To help you out, we’ve included some voicemail greeting samples for you to look at. Both the 10 formal and 10 informal samples should give you the prompting you need to start crafting your own voicemail script.
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12.) Benvenuti alla John Doe. Potete contattarci dal Lunedì al Venerdì dalle 8am alle 12.30pm e dall’1pm alle 4.30pm. Al momento non possiamo rispondere personalmente alla vostra chiamata. Si prega di lasciare un messaggio con il vostro nome e numero di telefono e vi richiameremo al più presto possibile. Per casi urgenti, potete raggiungerci al numero 0821 91039-1211. Grazie.
3.) Herzlich willkommen bei Mustermann GmbH. Momentan können wir Ihren Anruf leider nicht persönlich entgegennehmen, oder Ihr Anruf erreicht uns außerhalb der Geschäftszeiten. Bitte hinterlassen Sie uns eine Nachricht mit Ihrem Namen und Rufnummer - Wir rufen Sie dann schnellstmöglich zurück. Vielen Dank und auf Wiederhören.

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Hello, this is (name). I am sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. Leave your name, number, and a short message after the beep. Oh and please do wait by the phone till I call you back. Bye.
3.) Herzlich willkommen bei Mustermann GmbH. Momentan können wir Ihren Anruf leider nicht persönlich entgegennehmen, oder Ihr Anruf erreicht uns außerhalb der Geschäftszeiten. Bitte hinterlassen Sie uns eine Nachricht mit Ihrem Namen und Rufnummer - Wir rufen Sie dann schnellstmöglich zurück. Vielen Dank und auf Wiederhören.

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Have you ever stopped to hear the following, ‘’Hi, this is [your name] of [your business]. I’m currently unable to take your call. Please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, and I will contact you as soon as possible. Thanks.

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Education Details: Business Voicemail Greetings: Top 5 Sample Scripts. By Nate Rand. Business voicemail greetings are underrated. When your customers call your phone system after hours or when your business is closed, they hear your voicemail recording. The voicemail greeting they receive is another opportunity for your company to make a great impression instead

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    Pre Recorded Answering Machine Messages. Take a look at these original greetings that will make your friends and family call again and again. Most households have automated machine greetings that sound very monotonous when someone calls. You can definitely convert your home, office, or cell phone greetings that show a bit of your unique

    You have reached xxx-xxxx. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in “as-is” condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don’t return your call, it means the machine did not work.
    3. Funny Examples of Voicemail Messages. These can be used to play tricks on people on April fools day or for any other reason. Use with discretion. If you don't have a time machine, please leave a message and I'll get back with you in the future.

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    2.( مرحبا بكم في .JohnDoe للأسف أنتم تتصلون بنا في وقت خارج ساعات العمل الاعتيادية. يمكنكم الاتصال بنا من الاثنين إلى الجمعة من الساعة 08:00 صباحا إلى6:00 مساءا، ويوم السبت من 09:00 صباحا إلى 4:00 مساءا. يرجى ترك رسالة أو إرسال بريد

    When your business is closed for vacation or holidays, it’s imperative that you set appropriate expectations for a callback and to provide an alternative coverage option, if available. The following greeting accomplishes this succinctly.
    I love my job because [XYZ company] is the best place to work at. Please leave your full name, contact info, number and other details and I’ll call back within 24 hours! Thanks a bunch.”

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    Website: https://weirdomatic.com/weird-and-funny-answering-machine-messages-thatll-make-you-laugh.html

    Our standard recordings start from $39 each and suit most SME business requirements. For more information please call 1300 00 1300 or CLICK HERE to make an online enquiry.
    It offers FREE voice mail greetings for the different people that call your cell phone. It's called youmail. This youmail service can replace your cellular voicemail with a supposedly better voice mail system that includes a set of cool and different features such as different personalized greetings for each caller, online and phonebased

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    A mobile answering machine refers to a recording, either human or synthesized, that prompts a caller to leave a message for the person or place unable to answer. To compare, a landline answering machine acts to record sound. A cellular or mobile equivalent turns this sound into numerical data, which is then stored in a database potentially far away. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z About US

    12.) Добро пожаловать в «Вася Пупкин и Ко». Вы можете связаться с нами с понедельника по пятницу с 8 утра до 12.30, и с 13.00 до 16.30. На данный момент, мы не можем ответить на ваш звонок лично. Пожалуйста, оставьте сообщение с вашим именем и номером телефона и мы вам перезвоним как можно скорее. В экстренных случаях, вы можете связаться с нами по номеру 0821 91039 - 1211. Большое спасибо.
    If you're looking to go all out to give the best possible first impression to your customers, hire a professional voice actor. Our customers love the voices available on Fiverr, a website that matches businesses with creative talent. You can get a professional recording done for as little as $5. If you're looking for a high-end product, check out The Voice Realm which offers the best voice talent on the planet. The quality is astounding.

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Here are a few voicemail message examples you can record if you have the opportunity to leave a professional sounding message, while still having a bit of fun. Before choosing one of these options, be sure your company allows for a little creativity. If you work in a strict professional position, theses options might not be the best for you.

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On hold messages can be recorded for many purposes, such as promoting your business, answering FAQs or announcing important customer service information. It's important to be clear in the message you are trying to get across. Confusion leads to disengagement and reflects badly on the brand. Determining your callers' wait times is necessary to determine the required length of the on-hold message. Making the recording too short can lead to the message being played too many times. This can be repetitive and lose the caller's attention while they hold.

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Not in a chatty mood? Here's how to go directly to voicemail or send a voice message.

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5. Offering the Operator First. You’ve reached [Company Name], the [company’s slogan]. Please choose from the following menu options: To speak with the operator, press 0.

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