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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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Check for outages and troubleshoot problems with your home phone or internet service.
Taking Phone Messages. In this activity, you will accurately take phone messages. Click to hear the message. Press to pause to write down information. When you listen to a phone message, you need to listen for specific information: Who called? When did the … .

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A general voicemail greeting is what callers will be greeted with if you are unable to answer the phone at work. It is the everyday greeting, used as the default, unless you have set up a temporary greeting, such as an away message while you're on vacation, or a …
89 Church Bulletin Bloopers (to Make You Smile)Useless Facts [140+ Facts You Can Impress Your Friends]Things to Ponder [66 hilarious things to ponder about!]21 Funny Answering Machine (Voicemail) MessagesIf Microsoft Built Cars17 Weird Library Reference QuestionsEmployees must stop crying before returning to workCursed McDonald’s Fries Cosplay36 Stuff To Ponder [They are all weird and hilarious]Men to the left because women are always right

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Answering Machine Messages (Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number.
12. “Hello, you’ve reached the Customer Support department at [company name]. We are unable to take your call at the moment. We know your time is valuable so instead of placing you on hold, let us call you back! Please leave your name, phone number, the reason for your call, and two different times that are convenient for you to receive a call back from us. Thank you!” Get a better idea of your caller’s schedule by asking them for a few different times you can call back. Their time is important, too!

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2. Mention Hours of Operation Upfront. Most callers expect their call to be answered. Once they realize that your office is currently closed, the most important piece of information they probably want to know is your standard business hours.

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Whether it’s an out-of-stock product, a canceled event, or social media snafu, there are times when your business may see an influx of frustrated callers. While it is important to address their concerns head-on, you may not be able to answer each call as it’s received. Make sure you use best practices for dealing with angry customers, and that your voicemail greeting sets the appropriate tone. Avoid defensive language, validate their concerns, and keep them informed as to how you are handling the situation.

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    Organize tasks into projects to visualize your work as a board, list, or timeline. Calendars & Timelines Hyper Collaborative Powerful & Flexible Beautifully Designed

    4. Sincere and Short Voicemail Messages for Personal Use. These answering machine messages are the type that most people leave. These can be used for non-business or personal phones.
    Our TIPP: Our prompts configurator helps you find the right voice and also helps you with text suggestions, selection of music and speakers demos. With just a few clicks, you can compile your selection or desired prompt(s) and send it to us.

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    With the text to speech functionality, you can copy one of the 21 voicemail samples above and paste it into the OpenPhone voicemail interface to get your professional voicemail greeting instantly. Who thought a voicemail system could be so fun? You can copy & paste one of the scripts above into the OpenPhone voicemail interface and create a professional voiceover instantly. How to set up auto-repliesCreate snippets (or text message templates)How to record phone calls

    Of course, there are a few things you will always want to keep in mind when you are recording any message. First, a voicemail greeting can be your first impression, so you'll always want to take the time to think about what you'll say when you record it. You might want to write a script or just go over what you'll say in your head. Be sure to ask callers for their name, a message, and a call back number, or you might get stuck with "Hey, it's me, call me back" (I'm notorious for leaving messages like this). Be sure you practice speaking slowly and clearly as you deliver your short, to the point message. It's also a good idea to leave 1 to 2 seconds of silence before you begin speaking, so callers have time to absorb your message. Tags: resources, tips, greetings Recent Blogs Taking Your Presentations To The Next Level With Audio and Voice April 01, 2019 Tools to Support Message on Hold Production October 12, 2018 tips (186) resources (163) message on hold (154) marketing (118) customer experience (101) 999012smile1 and 1 drillisch1 and 1 ionos1 and 1 versatel1899 hoffenheim 21fc koln 220th television21vianet2degrees << Browse All Categories >> › Business Listing › Phone Number › Contact Support › Customer Service Search Sample Telephone Answering Machine Messages Home Sample Telephone Answering Machine Messages
    17. "Hello! You've gotten the voicemail of [your name]. Leave your name, contact info, and the answer to the eternal question ‘Which came first, the chicken or the egg?' Anyone who gets it right will receive a call back."

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    Funny Answering Machine Messages Sample Messages Funny answering machine messages are basically messages that are recorded in an answering machine and are intended to deliver a humorous punch to the Sample Funny Answering Machine Messages: " You have reached the voicemail of God! Now try and humor me or stop wasting my time!

    HOME 13 1300 1800 NUMBERS INBOUND 13-1300-1800 NUMBER OPTIONS FREEPOOL NUMBERS SMART NUMBERS SMART NUMBER EXAMPLES PHONE NAMES PHONE WORDS PREMIUM NUMBERS PLANS AND PRICING 1300 NUMBERS 1800 NUMBERS 13 NUMBERS LOCAL NUMBERS GLOBAL NUMBERS SET UP OPTIONS CALL TRACKING PRO VOICE RECORDING POST CODE PROMPTER PHONE ANSWERING ANSWERING SERVICES BUSINESS 24/7 ANSWERING TEAM 24/7 ANSWERING VIRTUAL RECEPTIONIST 24/7 SHORT TERM ANSWERING VIRTUAL PHONE BUNDLE VIRTUAL OFFICE SERVICES OFFICE PHONES NETPHONE NETFAX MORE INFO ABOUT US USEFUL INFO POLICIES AND LEGAL TESTIMONIALS HOME 13 1300 1800 NUMBERS INBOUND 13-1300-1800 NUMBER OPTIONS FREEPOOL NUMBERS SMART NUMBERS SMART NUMBER EXAMPLES PHONE NAMES PHONE WORDS PREMIUM NUMBERS PLANS AND PRICING 1300 NUMBERS 1800 NUMBERS 13 NUMBERS LOCAL NUMBERS GLOBAL NUMBERS SET UP OPTIONS CALL TRACKING PRO VOICE RECORDING POST CODE PROMPTER PHONE ANSWERING ANSWERING SERVICES BUSINESS 24/7 ANSWERING TEAM 24/7 ANSWERING VIRTUAL RECEPTIONIST 24/7 SHORT TERM ANSWERING VIRTUAL PHONE BUNDLE VIRTUAL OFFICE SERVICES OFFICE PHONES NETPHONE NETFAX MORE INFO ABOUT US USEFUL INFO POLICIES AND LEGAL TESTIMONIALS
    15. “Hello, you’ve reached the Sales Department at [Company name]. All of our representatives are currently helping clients [insert goal such as, ‘achieve 40% growth through streamlining HR’] and are unable to take your call. Instead of putting you on hold and taking up your valuable time, please leave your name, company, and phone number and we’ll give you a call back ASAP. Thank you!”

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    If they are calling without an expectation that you always pick up (such as if you are a business coach or a one-man shop) then thanking them for calling might make the most sense.

    Hi. You have reached [Business Name]. Our offices are currently closed for the holiday season. We shall return on January 2, 2020, working office hours from 9 am to 5 pm, Monday thru Friday, closed Saturday and Sunday. Until then, please leave a short message and number, or email address, and we’ll get back to you shortly. Thank you for calling.
    Follow the instructions and press that number. You will be asked to delete your current Voicemail greeting. Click on the ‘Yes’ button that appears on the screen if you want to remove that. You can save your new recorded Voicemail greeting or can use the default recorded option. From the home screen, select the Phone app. Note: Alternately, you can set up voicemail by selecting the Phone app then selecting and holding the 1 key. Select Keypad, then select the Visual Voicemail icon. Select Start. Select Ok. From any Home screen, tap the Menu key. Tap Settings. Tap Call settings. Tap Voicemail. Tap Voicemail again. View the voicemail number. Press and hold the 1 on your device’s dial pad to call and connect to your voicemail. Press the star * key to access the main menu. Press 4 to access the mailbox options. Press 7 to change the language of the voicemail prompts to either Spanish or English.

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Thank you for your message. I am away from the office leading a workshop Dec. 1–4. I will be checking email throughout the day and will try to respond to messages promptly (please flag urgent messages as high importance). However, if you need immediate assistance, please contact Johnny Woo at [email protected] or 465-555-1098.

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A business answering machine greeting is a message recorded on the voicemail or answering machine of a company. Since this message is going to be heard by at least some of your customers, you should be sure to keep the message professional. For the most part, you should not create a message that is silly or funny, but instead provide important and useful information in a way that is professional and fairly fast. You can, however, use the message as a quick opportunity to include a brief statement about a particular service you offer such as “Thank you for calling The House of Pies, home of the world famous zucchini and artichoke pie.”

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5.) Добро пожаловать в «Вася Пупкин и Ко». Лично вы можете связаться с нами с понедельника по пятницу с 7 утра до 6 вечера, и по субботам с 10 утра до 13.00. Если вы хотите сделать заказ или задать вопрос, тогда, пожалуйста, оставьте ваше имя, укажите заказчика и номер телефона. Мы вам перезвоним как можно скорее. Вы всегда можете связаться с нами по электронной почте [email protected]. Большое спасибо за ваш звонок – до свидания.

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“Hey there, this is [name]. You’ve reached [XYZ company]. Unfortunately, I’m currently away from the office and am traveling in [place]. I won’t be back in the office until [date] and I will get in touch with you then.

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