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Customer experience is today’s business battleground. At a time where it’s common for even the most established businesses to deliver poor service, incompetent support, and just outright bad communication, how do you stand out? As big companies fail in the customer experience department, doors open for small business owners and entrepreneurs to distinguish themselves.
Home » Lists » 21 Funny Answering Machine (Voicemail) Messages21 Funny Answering Machine (Voicemail) Messages .

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8. Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I’m home right now, and in a moment I’ll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I’ll be thinking about it…
Choose from male or female voice talent, and from multiple voice tones including natural, energetic and professional. Select one that best suits your brand and industry. Our Voice Artists are some of the most experienced in Australia and have produced countless voice overs including TV and Radio Ads.

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"Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."
The answering machine, answerphone or message machine, also known as telephone messaging machine (or TAM) in the UK and some Commonwealth countries, ansaphone or ansafone (from a trade name), or telephone answering device (TAD), is used for answering telephones and recording callers' messages .If a phone rings a number of times predetermined by the phone's owner, and nobody is present to answer ...

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We’re keeping it simple with this one. Just a few basic elements to help you get started. As long as you know who your audience is, the message you wish to convey, and the information you need from the caller, the rest should fall into place quite nicely. Let’s face it, a voicemail greeting for a lumber company will probably be different than that of a psychologist’s office. One greeting is aimed at securing potential customers, and the other is geared towards appointments, more or less. Once you are certain who your caller is, the better your voicemail. Center on your audience, first and foremost. Knowing what to relate ensures that your caller will leave the right message. For instance, if you’re a retail store, you would include your hours of operations, and perhaps any specials that you’re running. If you are a therapist’s office, then you’d need to include an alternate number in case a patient is having an issue and requires immediate help. Again, this will vary depending on the business. Here, a therapist would definitely request the caller leave their contact information. However, a retail store chain might not request that. There are also complex voicemail systems such as those used by mobile phone services, which ask you to press a certain number on your phone, where you are asked to leave your account information. Again, as you can see, it all boils down to the demographics of your callers, and what you need from them to conduct the best business possible. Depending on the situation, your caller might be in a good mood or not. In either case, they’ll probably be eagerly awaiting your call. So, it stands to reason that you only promise them a call back if you can deliver. In other words, if you’re a small shop and you’ve decided to close due to a much-needed sabbatical, then don’t leave a voicemail greeting where you promise them to call right back. However, if you have an active customer service staff, then you can promise to return their call within the same day.

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2. Company Wide Voicemail Greeting. You want to be a little more formal when you're recording a business voicemail greeting for your company. State your business name, your hours of operation, the manner in which you'll reach out to the caller, and a place where he or she can obtain more information about your business.

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    Over the last 60+ years, Dexcomm has assisted many medical offices and medical receptionists with voicemail setup. Here are four easy steps that we recommend to set up yours:

    Ryan Bozeman is a writer and conversion optimization consultant in Seattle, WA. He works with B2B technology startups, helping businesses find and execute effective content strategies. Any views or opinions represented in this post belong solely to the author. 8 Ways To Build Brand Trust & Make Your New eCommerce Business Look Established Tools, Templates, & Tactics You Can Use To Start, Run, & Grow Your Business 100+ Startup Tools About Us Work With Us Go to UniTel Voice » Blog Growth MarketingGuidesLead GenerationLead NurturingProduct updatesSales Instantly engage users Talk to your customers, directly on your site, app and mobile devices.
    "You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message."

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    As a bonus, here is an example of our own holiday voicemail greeting here at OpenPhone:

    *Note: Some of your users don’t celebrate all the same holidays you do. Remember to keep these voicemail greetings neutral 🌟
    Below are examples of excellent professional voicemail greetings for various situations to help you get started in creating your own perfect greeting! For each, we’ve included helpful tips, a sample voicemail greeting script, and an audio recording. The greetings are grouped by company greetings, department / team greetings, and personal business greetings. These greetings are likely longer than what you would want to use in real life – but our goal is to help you generate ideas to help you create your own!

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    18. “Thanks for calling [Company name/your name]. We hope you’re enjoying the holiday season. We aren’t available at the moment due to our holiday hours. Leave your name, number and the reason for your call and we’ll get back to you ASAP! Thanks for calling.” Everyone deserves a break. Let your callers know although you might be enjoying one too, that their needs are important.

    9.) Welcome to John Doe. Unfortunately, there is no one in the office right now. Please leave your name and phone number after the tone. We will call you back as soon as possible.
    A phone call to your business is often the first encounter your customers and prospects have with your company. If no one is available to take the call, having the best professional voicemail greetings possible is important to leave a great first impression and to ensure that business opportunities don’t slip by.

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    5. Away/Vacation Voicemail Greeting Samples. “Hello, this is [Name] at [Company.] I will be out of the office for the week of [dates]. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call, and I will reply within 24 hours of my return. If you prefer, you can try me on my cell, [number].

    Voicemail is a wondrous invention that can truly define ‘godsend’. It gives you the option of keeping annoying people at bay, without being outright rude. It only seems fair then, to return the favor by spicing up your voicemail greeting.
    When you’re closed for the holiday, it’s good to forgo your usual out-of-office greeting for a custom holiday message. Keep it cheery and brief, and be sure to let callers know when you’ll resume normal business operations.

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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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There’s nothing more crucial to your business than the image you create to your customers, community, and your prospects. With a lot of fly by night and home based businesses today, it is more crucial than ever to show your business company in right light and to tell those that make business with you that you’re a trustworthy and credible entity.

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We look forward to serving you so please leave your contact info, details and reason for calling after the beep. We will call you right back!

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2. “Hi! We’re glad you called [company name]. We’re happy to help but we are either on the line with another client or on the go! Please let us know your name, number, and reason for your call today. As soon as we become available, we will call you right back. Thanks!” Ask your callers to leave a short message so you can determine when to return their call.

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