I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handi- work, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you’re from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.
Length – if your callers typically wait 2 minutes at a time, then at least 2 minutes of programming should be the goal. The idea is to ensure the callers don’t hear repeated messages every time they call. A typical on-hold message is 4-8 minutes in length.

For phone greetings to be successful, they need to be: Crisp. A crisp, clear voice goes a long way. The message needs to be clearer than glass. No shuffling papers or dogs barking in the background. **Professional. **Your phone greeting needs to sound like you're a real company, not a random person answering their cell phone. Thought-out.
When your small business is closed, ensure that your callers know that! If appropriate, you might want to reiterate your business hours to manage callback expectations.