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From Burke, an exercise in antisocial oddness: "You have reached the live psychic hot line. We know who you are and why you are calling, so at the beep, hang up."

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Length – if your callers typically wait 2 minutes at a time, then at least 2 minutes of programming should be the goal. The idea is to ensure the callers don’t hear repeated messages every time they call. A typical on-hold message is 4-8 minutes in length.
The number you have xxx-xxxx (your number) has been changed, the new number is xxx-xxxx (again, your number). CULATA! .

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When recording, choose a quiet area, speak clearly, and use your full name (first and last).
11.) Benvenuti alla John Doe, purtroppo ci avete chiamato fuori dall’orario di lavoro oppure non possiamo rispondere alla vostra chiamata al momento. Se volete lasciarci un messaggio, si prega di inviare una e-mail a: [email protected] – Vi contatteremo al più presto possibile. Per ulteriori informazioni su di noi, si prega di visitare il nostro sito web: www.johndoe.de. Grazie per la vostra chiamata.

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“Hi! You have reached [your business]. All of our staff are currently busy helping other callers. We understand how valuable your time is, and rather than keeping you on hold, we will make sure to call you back.Be sure to leave us a detailed message with your name and number. We will return your call within two business hours. Thanks!”
11. “Hello, you’ve reached [X company]. We can’t take your call right now, but please leave your name, contact information, and reason for reaching out, and one of our team members will be in touch within 24 hours.”

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And this one (from Brad Lund, of Baltimore) made me giggle loudest and longest: "This is the Lund residence. The answering machine is on vacation. This is the refrigerator speaking. State your message slowly and clearly. I'll write it down and stick it to myself with one of those little magnets."

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30. Hi, you’ve reached [your name] at [your company]. I’m unavailable right now on official duties. But if you leave your name and number and a brief message on why you are calling, I will call you back at the earliest opportunity.

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    A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message.

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    More Links Take Our 2-Minute Tour! Answering Service Fax to Email Service Voicemail Transcription Professional Voiceover Greetings Vanity Number Search Text-Enabled Toll Free and Landline Numbers Voicemail Office is one of America's premier providers of voicemail and unified messaging services, offering local voicemail, 1-800 numbers, online fax numbers, Virtual PBX and other virtual voicemail services to businesses and organizations nationwide and abroad. Our services are virtually-hosted and require no equipment or software. Setup is fast & easy and voicemail numbers are activated immediately. Voicemail Office also offers custom voice mail solutions and provides voicemail to email and fax to email on all voice messaging systems. Whether you are looking for a standalone local voicemail number, 1-800 number or fax number, you can order online and have your line ringing in minutes! If you still have questions, contact one of our friendly sales associates at 1-888-VOICEMAIL (864-2362).

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    Have you ever stopped to hear the following, ‘’Hi, this is [your name] of [your business]. I’m currently unable to take your call. Please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, and I will contact you as soon as possible. Thanks.

    According to Gartner Research, more than two-thirds of companies compete for business today primarily based on customer experience – up from only one-third back in 2010. Knowing this, it should not surprise you that customer-centric companies are 60% more profitable than companies that are not.
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    Thank you for calling the Accounts Department. We’re sorry that we are unable to take your call at this time, but please leave your name, phone number and a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you. Female Voice Male Voice Guide to On Hold Messages Script Types Business Intro & IVR On Hold Messages & Voicemail Greetings

    5. "Hello, [Person's name] is chasing new adventures and is no longer with [Company name]. Please forward all future requests to [New or interim person's name] at [phone number].
    Choose words and expressions that complement your business, brand and industry. As an example, a construction company would use words and expressions that convey high quality and solid workmanship; while a florist would use sensory descriptions that arouse smell and beauty.

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    Phone Solicitor Discouragement: The Long-Winded Voicemail Message. November 12, 2014. November 12, 2014 by funny. By pure, ridiculous serendipity, I found a way to almost bring a stop to phone solicitor calls, a major nuisance for dinosaurs who wish to hang onto their land lines.

    4. Sincere and Short Voicemail Messages for Personal Use. These answering machine messages are the type that most people leave. These can be used for non-business or personal phones.
    The other problem with creating humorous messages is that occasionally someone with actual information will call. Potential employers, current bosses and clergy may not appreciate sitting through a PG-13 outgoing announcement before leaving an important message. Length is another consideration. Many people prefer an answering machine's outgoing message to be as brief and as professional as possible. Unless you own a business where listing hours of operation or contact numbers is important, try not to go past 15 seconds on an outgoing message. Post your comments Please enter the following code: Login: Forgot password? Register:

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Funny Answering Machine Messages Sample Messages Funny answering machine messages are basically messages that are recorded in an answering machine and are intended to deliver a humorous punch to the Sample Funny Answering Machine Messages: " You have reached the voicemail of God! Now try and humor me or stop wasting my time!

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For pure salaciousness, it's hard to top the tape of "A Single Woman." It says: "Hi. I'm tied up at the moment. Please leave your name and number. I'll call you when I'm freed."

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19. "Hello, you've reached [your name]. I'm currently [exploring Asia, hiking through the jungle in Costa Rica, hanging out on the beach in Bermuda] — or more likely, [recovering from extreme jet lag, googling ‘Are red spiders poisonous,' or looking for SPF 150 sunscreen] and won't be back in the office until [date]. Leave your contact info and reason for calling and I'll get in touch then."

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When you’re recording an answering machine greeting for your home, or a voicemail greeting, some people like to keep it funny and light. They may record a message together, have one of their young children record, play silly music in the background or create some kind of a joke. While it’s fine to be funny, especially on a home recording, you should probably avoid being crude, particularly if you think children may be calling your home. Telemarketers may use any information given in an answering machine greeting.

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