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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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Here’s another funny one for those times you really want to lighten the business mood:
For a medical office, call types may include billing, emergencies, appointments, cancellations, etc. 2. Determine How To Best Route Calls The best method of routing your medical office calls will depend on your office size and budget. If you have a small staff, setting up a standard voicemail greeting system may be a more practical approach. For a larger health organization with multiple departments, it makes more sense to route calls to their intended destinations by using an auto attendant. For example, “If you have a question about billing, press 1. If you’d like to schedule an appointment, press 2. If this is a medical emergency, press 0 for an operator.” If you want every caller or patient to experience a professional and compassionate call, you may consider working with a medical office answering service. You can forward calls to an answering service after business hours, on holidays, during overflow, or any other time you may need help answering calls. 3. Draft A Script .

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I have a confession to make: I haven't recorded a new voicemail greeting in nearly a decade. Since then, I've (hopefully) become more articulate, poised, and self-assured. But hear my voicemail recording, and you'd think I was still new to the work world, a little unsure of myself — and probably not an authority.
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8. Morgan Freeman Shares His Voice for Voicemail Greetings. Morgan Freeman is known for his voice so much that he was asked to play the voice and image of God in Bruce Almighty.
Thank you for calling. You have reached (Your Name) at (Your Business). Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and I’ll return your call as soon as possible.

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Inspirational Quotes. Leave your caller with something meaningful to think about. Mark Twain . The classic adage "when greatness calls" can be used as a funny greeting."When greatness calls, I may not be able to pick up my phone immediately, so leave a message."

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    Your voicemail greeting on your business telephone system is the very first thing your business associates and clients will hear when calling your company. For the first time callers, probably your potential customers, you only got a chance to provide a great first impression that will be provided by your voicemail greeting message. For the ones who frequently call your company, you would want to make your voicemail greeting prompts as efficient as possible in order for you not to waste your client’s precious time in listening to your whole voicemail greetings every time they make a call.

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    A voicemail greeting, on the other hand, refers to the message that your callers hear upon answering the phone. Voicemail greetings can include any information you’d wish to convey, such as special sales, bargains, alternate phone numbers to use, or your company’s normal working hours.

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    Please leave your name and telephone number after the beep. Thank you for calling. You have reached the office of James Bucki. I can’t take your call right now, but if you leave me a message after the tone, I will return your call as soon as I can.

    Sample Voice Prompts for Health Care INTRODUCTION therapy, etc. A well designed auto attendant system can guide patients to the right locations at the right times – and can refer the caller to a web-based map or directions resource. Please leave a message stating your name, phone number and the test you need to make an appointment for
    To whom it may concern. You’ve tried to reach Wilbur and Ed. We aren’t here at the moment, but if you want, you can leave your contact information at the tone and one of the brood will get to you shortly. Take care, thanks for the call.

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    Tricia has a Literature degree from Sonoma State University and has been a frequent contributor for many years. She is especially passionate about reading and writing, although her other interests include medicine, art, film, history, politics, ethics, and religion. Tricia lives in Northern California and is currently working on her first novel. Tricia Christensen You might also Like Recommended anon347709 September 9, 2013

    By presenting a clear, welcoming message containing relevant information about your business, you are showing callers that you value their time. If your recording is vague, confusing, or drags on, customers will lose interest and hang up the phone instead of leaving a voicemail message.
    Hello. You have reached Erin Klineman, Marketing Manager for Stone & Associates. I am currently out of the office attending a conference until August 4th. I will be checking messages daily, however, if you need immediate assistance, please contact Marketing Specialist, Michael Kim at extension 240. Otherwise, please leave a message, and I will call you back at my earliest opportunity.

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    (make a little noise in the background). Hi, you’ve reached your friend’s house. He/she isn’t home right now and I took the opportunity to rob it. I was about to steal the machine as well and you called. After the beep, leave your name and number. I will write it on a post-it and leave it on the refrigerator for him/her to see. Oh and one more thing; where did you say you lived?

    You can also set a new PIN when you know your current PIN. Call your retrieval number from your home phone, enter your current PIN, then follow the system prompts to enter a new PIN.
    Whether it’s an out-of-stock product, a canceled event, or social media snafu, there are times when your business may see an influx of frustrated callers. While it is important to address their concerns head-on, you may not be able to answer each call as it’s received. Make sure you use best practices for dealing with angry customers, and that your voicemail greeting sets the appropriate tone. Avoid defensive language, validate their concerns, and keep them informed as to how you are handling the situation.

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what do you say on an answering machine greeting

Your voicemail should be very specific. It should be short and urgent. Use word's like "need", "should", "must" , or "have to" to create a sense of urgency. For example, say something like, "We need to discuss..." or "We should talk about..."

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As one of the best-selling VoIP devices, magicJack has allowed people to use their Internet connection to make both mobile and landline...

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Your voicemail needs to have relevant information such as your name, who the prospects are connecting to, the department you work in, why your not available to assist your prospects, when you will call them and related information, this is what the prospects would prefer hearing instead of dragging the voicemail messages speaking about your brand and more.

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For those with voicemail greetings that get changed about as often as a new president is elected, know that this is doing a serious disservice to the caller-recipient relationship. It signals to callers that the business is anything but an authority, most likely not very detail oriented, and has questionable overall credibility and competency.

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