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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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You have reached the , Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number and target or list of targets and we’ll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.
Custom Voicemail Greetings: Our pre-recorded on hold messages are available in 9 languages spoken by native speakers. We custom produce highest quality voicemail messages, IVR messages, on hold messages and announcements based on your individual scripts in multiple languages. We are looking forward to your call. .

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Rehearse or write down your message before recording it. Remember that old saying “practice makes perfect?” It’s certainly true when it comes to creating an electronic greeting. The more you’ve rehearsed, the easier the message will be to restate. If you don’t have time to practice, writing down the greeting before recording it – and then reading it aloud from the paper – may help you stay focused on the correct wording.
Call Routing Business Hours Call Analytics Call Masking Call Recording Customer Data Inbuilt CRM Team Management Lead Qualification Concurrent Ringing IVR Two way SMS Lead Notifications Interested in:Outgoing callsLead DistributionLead QualificationClick to CallCall BackNot sure

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16. “Hi, you’ve reached [company name]. Sorry, you just missed us! We’re open from ([hour] to [hour] [time zone]) Monday through Friday [optional: hour to hour on the weekends]. In the meantime, you can also visit our website [website URL] to reach out via live chat, text, or email [email address]. If you’d like to leave us a message, tell us your name, number, and reason for your call after the beep. We will give you a call back later on today.” Let your caller know your exact office hours so you skip the “phone tag”. They’ll appreciate knowing when to expect a return call. Just keep in mind that the timeframe should be realistic so you live up to customer expectations.Voicemail greetings for holidays
As the odds of receiving a call back from your voicemail message are already low, you need to be very specific about what you say in your voicemail to give you the greatest chance of getting a call back. What you absolutely do NOT want to do is make yourself sound like a salesperson making a cold call. Instead, you want to sound like a very confident business colleague who deserves the respect of getting a call back.

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We look forward to hearing from you and helping you improve your English pronunciation and spoken English.

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No one should be calling during the holidays, and yet some people do. When you’re out for the holidays, create a voicemail greeting that communicates the cheerfulness of the season while still staying professional.

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    2.) Добро пожаловать в «Вася Пупкин и Ко». К сожалению, вы звоните нам в не рабочее время. Вы можете связаться с нами с понедельника по пятницу с 8 утра до 6 вечера, и в субботу с 9 утра до 4 вечера. Пожалуйста, оставьте сообщение или отправьте нам письмо на электронный адрес: [email protected]. Мы свяжемся с вами как можно скорее – Спасибо.

    9.) Добро пожаловать в «Вася Пупкин и Ко». К сожалению, сейчас никого нет в офисе. Пожалуйста, оставьте ваше имя и номер телефона после сигнала. Мы вам перезвоним как можно скорее.
    Here are a few voicemail message examples you can record if you have the opportunity to leave a professional sounding message, while still having a bit of fun. Before choosing one of these options, be sure your company allows for a little creativity. If you work in a strict professional position, theses options might not be the best for you.

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    To use a different greeting you already recorded or switch back to the default greeting: On your Android device, open the Voice app . At the top left, tap Menu Settings. In the Voicemail section, tap Voicemail greeting. Next to the greeting you want to use, tap More Set as active.

    Note that the secretary has asked for the reason for calling so she can prioritize the patients who need the most help. She’s also keeping it short and to the point.
    Or Use Them On Your Answer Machine At Home. >>How To Change Your Voicemail Message<< Save one of these FREE mp3 files to your computer, play it through your computer speakers and record it through your mobile to your customisable voicemail service.

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    We’ve all had to make phone calls we wish we didn’t have to make. While the phone rings, we pray the person doesn’t answer, so we can simply leave a voicemail message.

    Therefore, as a rule of thumb, it has been advised that business professionals should return calls within 24 hours. If for any reason a prompt callback is not possible, for instance, if it is known that the call may be lengthy and the individual does not have time to talk until another day or so, they should still leave a brief voicemail message to acknowledge receipt of the call and advise when they anticipate being able to have the discussion. Additionally, voicemail messages should be checked at least once a day, if not more.
    A phone message template can be an excellent way to record messages received from various phone calls that come into your business. Knowing how to use your phone message template effectively can go a long way in this process. Nevertheless, the advantages of using a good phone message template cannot be emphasized enough.

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    5. Hello. I’m home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

    6. samplemessages.com. Please give us a good call back number and you should receive a call within 20 minutes during our office hours of on weekdays. If you're calling during our non-office hours, after 5 pm or on weekends, please leave a detailed message about the problem you are experiencing and we'll have a plumber call back as soon as possible with an estimate for response time.
    With all of these things to think about for a short 20-second voicemail, you might be feeling a little bit overwhelmed. We promise it’s actually is much simpler than it sounds.

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Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can’t come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange… mother… unicorn… penis. I’ll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

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11.) Bienvenido/a a John Doe, lo sentimos pero está intentando contactar con nosotros fuera de nuestro horario de oficina o simplemente no podemos atenderle en este momento. Si desea dejarnos un mensaje, por favor, envíenos un correo electrónico a [email protected]. Le contactaremos lo antes posible. Para obtener más información sobre nosotros, por favor, consulte nuestra página web www.johndoe.de. Muchas gracias por su llamada.

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7. Direct Customers to Your Account Login Page. Thank you for calling [Company Name]. Our offices are currently closed for the day. Standard office hours are Monday to Friday, 8 AM to 8 PM Eastern Time.

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