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Funny voicemail messages are an excellent alternative for people that are looking for that unique touch for something that seems really mundane. If you’re having trouble coming up with your own then you can check out some of the funny voicemail messages below.

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Donald G. Gould, of Northwest Washington, is nothing if not au courant. Here's his message: "Hello. You have reached {the phone number} in the nation's capital, a city now permanently on the Dole and where even the best periodontist cannot cure Gingrichitis. Please leave your message."
The information you provide in your business answering machine greeting can vary depending on your specific needs, though some basic information is common. You should indicate the business that has been reached, including a specific name if you have a personal business number or extension. If the message is for general use, you might indicate that you are unavailable, though a message for use after business hours can provide the caller with regular business hours. You should not, however, use any language that could be taken to indicate that you are busy with a task that is more important than your caller. .

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-So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I’ll get back to thee.
-…and I’ll return your call as soon as possible. I would have answered, but I was already on the phone with Bill Gates—I swear.

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Your voicemail greeting is a prime way for you to differentiate your business and be memorable, and it doesn’t have to be a chore. Anything that breaks up the monotony of corporate greetings will do the trick. For example, you can include a few of the deals you’re currently running or even your mission statement.
Or say that your brand is on a holiday, you can’t miss out on leads because you know their value on your business.

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When you’re closed for the holiday, it’s good to forgo your usual out-of-office greeting for a custom holiday message. Keep it cheery and brief, and be sure to let callers know when you’ll resume normal business operations.

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"Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

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    The above eight rules of engagement for voicemail greetings may sound easy enough, but they’ll require some practice to get just right. Let’s look at some examples to provide some context in how to apply the rules to various types of greetings and situations.

    That’s why it’s critical that each customer interaction with your business is consistent, positive, and represents the values and personality of your company. This includes your storefront, website, social media presence, emails, and every interaction you have with your customers, both online and in-person.
    Hi. I am probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

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    How's this for definite and sure-footed? "Hi. I'm glad you called. At least I think I'm glad you called. In fact, why don't you leave your name, and then I'll know for sure if I'm glad you called?"

    2.) Добро пожаловать в «Вася Пупкин и Ко». К сожалению, вы звоните нам в не рабочее время. Вы можете связаться с нами с понедельника по пятницу с 8 утра до 6 вечера, и в субботу с 9 утра до 4 вечера. Пожалуйста, оставьте сообщение или отправьте нам письмо на электронный адрес: [email protected]. Мы свяжемся с вами как можно скорее – Спасибо.
    1. If you are a burglar, then we’re probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can’t come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren’t home and it’s safe to leave us a message.

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    -Hey! Sorry I missed your call. If you’re a telemarketer, then I’m definitely not sorry. If you’re not a telemarketer, then I’ll return your call as soon as possible.

    Follow the instructions and press that number. You will be asked to delete your current Voicemail greeting. Click on the ‘Yes’ button that appears on the screen if you want to remove that. You can save your new recorded Voicemail greeting or can use the default recorded option. From the home screen, select the Phone app. Note: Alternately, you can set up voicemail by selecting the Phone app then selecting and holding the 1 key. Select Keypad, then select the Visual Voicemail icon. Select Start. Select Ok. From any Home screen, tap the Menu key. Tap Settings. Tap Call settings. Tap Voicemail. Tap Voicemail again. View the voicemail number. Press and hold the 1 on your device’s dial pad to call and connect to your voicemail. Press the star * key to access the main menu. Press 4 to access the mailbox options. Press 7 to change the language of the voicemail prompts to either Spanish or English.
    6. Voicemail Greetings For The Holidays. Hi, you’ve reached (insert name and title) at (insert company.) We’ve taken this time to be with our family’s and stuff our bellies.

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    Hello, you have reached Dr. X. Right now, I am with a patient, so I’m unable to respond to your call immediately. If you need help with a prescription, call number Y. If you need to book/modify an appointment, call number z. Please, leave your name, and phone number and reasons for calling.

    7. "Hello, this is [your name] at [company]. Thanks for calling. Please leave your name, number, and the reason you'd like to chat, and I'll get back to you ASAP.
    2. What to Say in a Voicemail Message. When unable to answer the phone, a voicemail message can be important. Below are examples of what to say in a voicemail message.

  • Be Part
    Of Our
    Story!

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Below are some of the best clean funny answering machine (voicemail) messages! Want to know the best part? You can try using them in your answering machine or voice mailbox life.

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To set up your voicemail, call the access number from your welcome letter or try #55, *68, or *98. If you don't have a welcome letter, contact us to get your access number.

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5. Away/Vacation Voicemail Greeting Samples. “Hello, this is [Name] at [Company.] I will be out of the office for the week of [dates]. Please leave your name, number, and the reason for your call, and I will reply within 24 hours of my return. If you prefer, you can try me on my cell, [number].

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There you have it, a basic introduction into how to write the best voicemail greetings. As you have seen, they’re not as easy as you’d think, but once you get comfortable with the type of information required by each, writing and recording your own should be a piece of cake. If you’ve tried to write one yourself and still don’t ‘feel you’ve captured the right essence, then please look at one of our voicemails greeting templates. When it comes to recording it, remember to rehearse your script and speak clearly. If you don’t care for your own voice, then have someone else record it, or hire a professional voice actor. Remember, there are also free audio editing software programs like Audacity, where you can manipulate your recording until you get exactly what you want.

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