You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:
2.) Bienvenue chez John Doe. Malheureusement, vous appelez en dehors des heures de bureau. Personnellement, vous pouvez appeler du lundi au vendredi de 8h à 18h et le samedi de 9h à 16h. Laissez un message ou envoyez-nous un email sur : [email protected]. Nous vous recontacterons dès que nous le pourrons. Merci.
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“Congratulations! You’ve reached the right person! It’s [your name]. Unfortunately, you’ve called at the wrong time. Please leave a message with all your contact information, and I’ll call you back within 24 hours.”
11. “Hello, you’ve reached [X company]. We can’t take your call right now, but please leave your name, contact information, and reason for reaching out, and one of our team members will be in touch within 24 hours.”
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Our TIPP: Our prompts configurator helps you find the right voice and also helps you with text suggestions, selection of music and speakers demos. With just a few clicks, you can compile your selection or desired prompt(s) and send it to us.
2. Basic Customer Inquiry. Thank you for calling [Company Name]. If you know your party’s extension, please dial it at any time. To reach our company directory, press 1.
We’ve all had to make phone calls we wish we didn’t have to make. While the phone rings, we pray the person doesn’t answer, so we can simply leave a voicemail message.
The machine answering this message is connected to a 5000 volt power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten. (Sound of a kitten meowing.) If you hang up before you leave a message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. The choice is YOURS! The President is not in his office at this time.
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Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, our office is currently operating remotely. Please contact us by email at [insert office email address]
You should script out your greetings, rehearse, and find a tone of voice that is reflective of your professionalism and your company’s personality. If applicable, your tone and your message should take into account that certain industries and companies are more conservative than others.
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You’ve reached the (name) family. We can’t answer your call right now. So why don’t you leave your name, age, sex, height, weight, phone number, a short message, your social security number, credit card number, how many kids you have, your mother’s maiden name, along with the date and time you called us. And if you’ve survived this message and are still listening, your message better be important.
10. "Hello, you've reached [X company]. We can't take your call right now, but please leave your name, contact information, and reason for reaching out, and one of our team members will be in touch within 24 hours.
Your message is a period of time that they are forced to wait through in order to do what they called to do in the first place — relay information to you.