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The thing with voicemail is it can be really handy when it comes to catering to your prospects when you are not available after work hours.

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Hi. If this is my parents, I need some money you guys. If this is my friend, I’ll get you your money. If this is a hot girl, DO NOT listen to a word I said before. I got plenty of money for you.
You might call this one Current Events Run Wild: "Hey, this is Sally. I can't come to the phone right now. Kato and I are at McDonald's." .

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39. Thank you for calling. I apologize for missing your call. I’m busy right now, but if you leave your name, number and message, I will return your call as soon as possible.
The right way to leave your phone number is to start saying your phone number with your area code and then take a 2-3 second pause while the person listening to your voicemail message gets a pen and paper. Then, continue with the next 3 digits, make another 2 second pause, and then say the last 4 digits. Then, slowly repeat your phone number again.

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14. “Hello, you’ve reached [company]. If you’re looking for information on [X], please check out our [Facebook page, company website, etc.] If you want to know more about [Y], take a look at [Z page on our site, our YouTube channel, etc.] Still have more questions, or just want to hear our lovely voices? Leave your name and number, and we’ll return your call straight away.”
"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

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12.) Herzliche Willkommen bei der Mustermann GmbH. Wir sind Montag bis Freitag von 8 Uhr bis 12.30 Uhr und 13 Uhr bis 16.30 Uhr zu erreichen. Wir können Ihren Anruf derzeit leider nicht persönlich entgegen nehmen. Sie können uns jedoch gerne eine Nachricht hinterlassen. Bitte teilen Sie uns Ihren Namen und Ihre Rufnummer mit.Wir rufen Sie dann zurück.In dringenden Fällen erreichen Sie uns unter folgender Rufnummer 0821 91039- 1211. Vielen Dank.

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Hi. This is David. I’ve shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I’m going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up I’ll play my messages. Please leave one.

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    You may also email the [insert office name] at [insert office email] this email is being monitored between 8:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m., Monday through Friday.

    Out of town? Your callers should know. Let them know with the following vacation voicemail greetings.
    One of the most challenging aspects of writing for speech is optimising text to be read aloud and recorded. On paper, long, complex sentences are easily accommodated. When read out aloud, the same sentences can sound awkward and confusing.

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    1. Top Business Ideas 2. Pro Business Guides 3. How to Get Money! 4. Communicate Properly 5. Catchy Names for your Business 6. Creative Slogans for your Business 7. Market Your Business

    › Url: https://www.onsip.com/voip-resources/smb-tips/10-sample-call-center-greeting-scripts Go Now
    Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you. Hello, you have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep. Hi, this is [ your name ]. I’m sorry, I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

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    9.) Bienvenue chez John Doe. Malheureusement, il n'y a personne dans le bureau à l'heure actuelle. Laissez votre nom et numéro de téléphone après la tonalité. Nous vous rappellerons dès que possible.

    Hi, this is [your name] of [your business]. I’m currently unable to take your call. Please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, and I will contact you as soon as possible. Thanks.
    Education Details: General voicemail greeting: used as the default voicemail greeting if no other greeting type is set. Internal voicemail greeting: used to greet people who call your department from within your own company (i.e. from another extension).Generally, this is only applicable to very large companies. External voicemail greeting: played for people who call from outside …

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    › Url: https://www.messagingservice.com/resources/best-business-voicemail-greetings/ Go Now

    Make sure you visit the recording practise page where you can record your phrases and perfect them before putting them on your phone.
    To set up your voicemail, press *98, *68, or #55 (varies by location) from your home phone or call the retrieval number you received with your welcome letter. Voice prompts will guide you through the rest of the steps.

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Hi there! You’ve reached the domicile of Blackmore Enterprises [Horn Honk]. We’re sorry to have missed your call, but there’s only so many hours in the day where one has the chance to gut a zombie, or nail a corpse to a tree. As such, please leave your name, contact information, and message, and we’ll try to get back to you as soon as we can. Thanks much for your call. Leave your personal name or business name Say you’re sorry you missed the call Ask them to leave their contact information and message Thank them for their call

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If you've forgotten your retrieval number, call 800-244-1111 to get it. Alternately, the number was included in the welcome letter you received when you signed up for voicemail service.

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This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don’t wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

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I made this "grouchy voicemail" for whoever is tired of the boring old voicemail your phone service provides. I will have more funny voicemail greetings on

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