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Oh lord…is it you…again? Well, if you must, leave a name and number after the beep. I’ll try to return the call, if I can stand it, that is.

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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:
To use a different greeting you already recorded or switch back to the default greeting: On your Android device, open the Voice app . At the top left, tap Menu Settings. In the Voicemail section, tap Voicemail greeting. Next to the greeting you want to use, tap More Set as active. .

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7. I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty-dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone.
24. "Thank you for calling [company]. We're closed for [holiday] from [date] until [date]. Please leave your message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a happy holiday season!"

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“Hello, you’ve reached the special agent Bond. James Bond. Okay okay, it’s actually [last name]. I’m currently away saving the world on a top-secret mission but I will get back to you as soon as possible. Please leave your name, contact info, number, and availability and I’ll call back as soon as I’m done helping M16. Have a great day. [last name] out!”
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If they are calling without an expectation that you always pick up (such as if you are a business coach or a one-man shop) then thanking them for calling might make the most sense.

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Friends and colleagues speak to each using first names only. So do people of authority. They do not call each other and leave voicemail messages asking for Mister, Miss, or Mrs. Therefore, when you call a person you want to do business with and you leave a voicemail message, refer to them by their first name only. Don't say mister, miss, or misses. Don't say their last name. Begin your voicemail message by saying only "hi/hello" followed by the person's first name. Or, you can even forget the "hi/hello" and just say the person's first name. That is how you show confidence and authority and separate yourself from weak salespeople.

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    It’s a good practice for each of your team members to have their own personal business phone numbers. There are many reasons why they shouldn’t use their personal cell phone number for business, so you’ll want to give them their own phone number through your VoIP provider or phone system.

    Length – if your callers typically wait 2 minutes at a time, then at least 2 minutes of programming should be the goal. The idea is to ensure the callers don’t hear repeated messages every time they call. A typical on-hold message is 4-8 minutes in length.
    Professional Voicemail Greeting Example. Hello. You have reached the voicemail of {insert name}. Please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, and {he/she}will return your call as soon as possible.Thank you and have a great day. Get more …

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    One of the most challenging aspects of writing for speech is optimising text to be read aloud and recorded. On paper, long, complex sentences are easily accommodated. When read out aloud, the same sentences can sound awkward and confusing.

    These business answering messages can be edited to fit any type of business. It is important to anticipate what your callers may want to know even if the callers are not able to get anyone on the phone. It's always a good idea to let callers know exactly when their calls may be returned and to list the operating hours.
    Hello, you have reached the firm of real estate agent X. I am currently in a meeting with a client, but I will get back to you as soon as possible. Kindly leave your name, your reason for calling and your contact number so that I can get back to you at the earliest. If there is any kind of urgency, you can get in touch with me at Y number.

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    4. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

    For those with voicemail greetings that get changed about as often as a new president is elected, know that this is doing a serious disservice to the caller-recipient relationship. It signals to callers that the business is anything but an authority, most likely not very detail oriented, and has questionable overall credibility and competency. Those aren’t traits that any business wants to associate itself.
    Hello, you have reached the food delivery services of X. I am currently speaking to a customer and will not be able to take your call now. If you want some urgent delivery of food items, you can call our other number Y and place your order. Otherwise, kindly leave your details like your name, contact number and your order details so that I can get back to you for confirmation. Thanks for your cooperation.

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    1. Personal Business Voicemail Greeting. Your personal voicemail greeting should be brief and to the point. State your name and your availability, project a welcoming aura, and ask the caller for whatever information you need from them.

    7. “Hi, this is [your name]. I’m either on a call or away from my desk. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and I’ll get back to you. Thank you.”
    HI, you’ve reached (name). I’m so sorry I can’t pick up the call right now because I am standing right behind you. GOTCHA.

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examples of professional answering machine messages

Your voicemail PIN can be any number 4 to 15 digits long. Be sure to make note of it because you'll need it to access your messages in the future. Take a few minutes to gather your thoughts, even jot down a few notes, and practice before you record. Before you start recording, turn off anything in the background that might cause noise. This will ensure your voice is clear and easy to understand. While clever greetings can be fun, it's worth taking a moment to think about the range of potential callers who may be leaving you voicemail. Consider the tone and image you want to project. Don't worry! If you don't like your recording, you can erase it and re-record as many times as you'd like.

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You can play a voice message at different speeds and pause/resume the message, using desktop client visual voicemail, or by dialing into their voicemail. Pressing a certain key on your phone controls how you can hear the voicemail: Read your voicemail transcription

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Hi! I told you never to call me at this number. But since you did, I left the knife on your back porch…Check to see I got all the blood off. Don’t forget to leave a message, and we’ll talk about the…plan.

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You’ve reached ARC Construction, leaders in home remodeling and construction services. We are pleased to announce that we were recently named ‘Best Local Contractor’ by the Phoenix Herald, and we finished another year ‘Complaint Free’ from the Better Business Bureau! It’s just the kind of service you’d expect from your hometown professionals. We are sorry we are unable to take your call at this time, please leave a message, and we will get back to you as promptly as possible.

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