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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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8.) Bienvenido/a al Departamento de Atención al cliente de John Doe. Lo sentimos, todas nuestras líneas están ocupadas en este momento. Por favor, deje un mensaje tras escuchar la señal con su nombre y número de teléfono. Le devolveremos la llamada tan pronto como sea posible. Le deseamos que tenga un buen día.
I am not in the office today; I may not be in tomorrow. I may be in to work sooner, if you gave me your car to borrow. .

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-Hello, this is ________. I’m not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?
28. Hey, there. You’ve reached [your name]. Please leave me a brief message about the reason you are calling and your contact information. I will call you right back at the earliest opportunity. Have a nice day!

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OK, so I followed all the instructions that came with the machine. I pressed all the necessary buttons. So… now what? I… am… so… confused. Could you please… beep.
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34. Hey, this is [your name]. I’m sorry for not picking your call right now. Please leave your name, number and a brief message, and I will get back to you at the earliest opportunity. You can also reach me via email at [email address] and I will reply to you shortly.

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Not only did mobile phones make home phones unnecessary for many, but the ability to send and receive text messages or emails on a smart phone made calls themselves feel unnecessary. Even in many workplaces, answering the phone is now either impossible due to nonstop time demands or discouraged by company cultures that prioritize digital

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    33. Hi, thank you for calling me. I apologize for not answering the phone at the moment. Please leave your name, number and message, and I will call you back as soon as possible. You can also send me an email at [your email]. Thank you, and have a nice day.

    Want some sample business voicemail messages? Below are 21 pre-recorded business voicemail greeting examples to get you started. You’ll find voicemail examples for your business’s main phone number, your direct business line, your after-hours (or non-business hours) voicemail, some holiday-specific greetings, and your customer service line. Even better, all these voicemail greetings are free and you can download the voicemail’s mp3 file!
    I have amnesia and can’t come to the phone at the moment. I feel stupid talking to everyone that I don’t know. So why don’t you forget about leaving your original message, and instead tell me my name and something important about myself. Thanks a lot.

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    Hi, this is [your name] of [your business]. I’m currently unable to take your call. Please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, and I will contact you as soon as possible. Thanks.

    If you know the extension of the person you wish to reach, please enter it now." "To speak with the operator, press 0 at any time." "For Sales, press 1." "For Technical Support, press 2." "For Billing, press 3." "For information about our company, press 4." "To leave us a message, press 5." "Or to repeat these options, press 6."
    4. Funny Voicemail Greetings. Hi, you’ve reached [your name] at [X company]. We are busy trying to save the world by [what your company does best]. If you want to learn more about how we do it, please leave us your name and phone number, and we will get back to you as soon as our mission is complete— which should be fairly soon.

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    And the best part about all of this is, since you couldn’t come to the phone, at least the callers are having a good time listening to the message. Here are Best witty voice mail greetings ideas: My ass and I are out for a walk. So as soon as I can get my ass back in the house, I’ll give you a call. Leave a message till then. Hello.

    For those with voicemail greetings that get changed about as often as a new president is elected, know that this is doing a serious disservice to the caller-recipient relationship. It signals to callers that the business is anything but an authority, most likely not very detail oriented, and has questionable overall credibility and competency.
    Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! (your name here) can’t come to the phone right now, because he’s spending the week in his beautiful summer home on the French Riviera…

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    As text messages generally go to mobile phones, robotexts require the called party's prior express consent. However, political text messages can be sent without the intended recipient’s prior consent if the message’s sender does not use autodialing technology to send such texts and instead manually dials them. Report Unwanted Calls and … Filter Type All Time Past 24 Hours Past Week Past month New Contact Listing› Tiger Correctional Services› Ios 10› Audacity› Fraction› Servicenow› Wells Fargo› Epiphone Exclusive Explorer Guitar› Adp› Flight Services Systems› Hanover Insurance› Email Marketing› Iphone› Ebay› Verizon Communications› Flask› Winchester Repeating Arms CompanyBrowse All Listing » Frequently Asked QuestionsWhat is a voicemail greeting?

    Basic Voicemail Message Examples: 1. Share basic information: “Hello! You’ve reached the voicemail of [your name], [your job title]. I’m currently either away from my desk or on the other line. Please leave your name, telephone number, and a short message after the beep, and I’ll be sure to get back to you as soon as I’m available.” 2.
    6.) Welcome to John Doe. Due to maintenance, we can not take your call at the moment. You're welcome to write an email to [email protected]. Your mail will be answered by our employees as soon as possible. We apologize for the temporary restriction! Thank you for your understanding

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Use these step-by-step instructions to set up your voicemail. And don't worry if you make a mistake — you'll always have the option of backing up and changing your response.

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Website: https://beyondthereceptiondesk.wordpress.com/2013/07/19/answer-machine-messages-get-it-right/

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How's this for definite and sure-footed? "Hi. I'm glad you called. At least I think I'm glad you called. In fact, why don't you leave your name, and then I'll know for sure if I'm glad you called?"

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