"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of *your* voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you."
-Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

Funny Voicemail Greetings. Composing these types of greetings are fun, but they aren’t applicable for some situations. You may make a funny voicemail greeting for your own personal voicemail box. However, it’s not appropriate for professional or business phones. Here are some humorous examples for you: You have reached [mention your name].
This feature functions very similarly to an answering machine, but with no additional equipment required in your home. Retrieve mail from any touch-tone telephone by dialing *98 or the 10-digit home number and pressing * at the greeting. Messages are retained for 30 days. After 30 days, the message is automatically purged. Print Did this article help answer your question? BACK TO ALL ARTICLES BACK Open the Phone app . Press and hold “1” to call your voicemail. Enter your PIN and press “#”. Press “*” for the menu. Press “4” to change settings. Press “1” to change your greeting. Follow the recorded instructions. How do I change my voicemail message? From the Home screen, tap the Phone icon . Tap Voicemail then tap Greeting (upper-left). Greeting is located in the top-left corner of screen. Tap Custom to record a greeting. Enabled when a checkmark is present. Tap Record to begin recording the custom greeting message. Tap Stop to end recording then tap Save. Call *86 (*VM) from the handset or the 10-digit mobile number from another phone. Follow the instructions for choosing the language options then press the # key to confirm the choice. When prompted, enter the 4-7digit password then press the # key. When prompted, say the signature (or name) then press the # key. Open your Android’s Phone app. It usually looks like a phone receiver at the bottom of the home screen. Press and hold the 1 key on the keypad. Tap Add number. Tap Service. Tap My carrier. Tap Setup. Tap Voicemail number. Type your mobile phone number and tap OK.