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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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36. Hello. You’ve reached the office of [your name] at [your company]. I will be out of the office from [date] to [date]. Please leave your contact information with a brief message, and I will call you back as soon as I have the chance. If you need to speak with someone urgently, please contact [name of colleague] at [email or phone number]. Thanks for calling.
Or Use Them On Your Answer Machine At Home. >>How To Change Your Voicemail Message<< Save one of these FREE mp3 files to your computer, play it through your computer speakers and record it through your mobile to your customisable voicemail service. .

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Use the following short voicemail greetings to get to the point quickly and invite them to leave a message. 6. "Hi, this is [your name]. I'm either on a call or away from my desk. Please leave your name, number, and a brief …

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Your customers might need you on the holidays. If you’re a business owner, you know this already. 🙂 Manage customer expectations and let them know how to get assistance.
Hello. (pause) Say something!! Aren’t you gonna talk at all? Why aren’t you saying something? Oh, I forgot. I need to say beep…

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Voicemail is a voice message that a caller leaves when the person called is absent or is busy with another conversation.

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Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, our office is currently operating remotely. Please contact us by email at [insert office email address]

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    After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I’ll get back to you as soon as it’s safe for you to come out of hiding.

    4. Funny Voicemail Greetings. Hi, you’ve reached [your name] at [X company]. We are busy trying to save the world by [what your company does best]. If you want to learn more about how we do it, please leave us your name and phone number, and we will get back to you as soon as our mission is complete— which should be fairly soon.
    Before moving on to learning about voicemail message templates, let’s learn some tips to effectively take phone messages. Tips for Taking Phone Messages Effectively . Creating a phone message template is the first step in starting a good phone communication procedure – but it doesn’t stop there.

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    Press 1 to turn autoplay on and off. When autoplay is turned on and you call to listen to your messages, the messages will immediately start playing. If autoplay is off, then you will be presented with the main menu options to select from (e.g., 1- listen, 2 - send).

    11.) Benvenuti alla John Doe, purtroppo ci avete chiamato fuori dall’orario di lavoro oppure non possiamo rispondere alla vostra chiamata al momento. Se volete lasciarci un messaggio, si prega di inviare una e-mail a: [email protected] – Vi contatteremo al più presto possibile. Per ulteriori informazioni su di noi, si prega di visitare il nostro sito web: www.johndoe.de. Grazie per la vostra chiamata.
    When recording a personalized voicemail greeting on your office phone, your greeting should. A. include only the company name and your extension number. How do I make a personal voicemail greeting? Start with a polite “Hello”. Inform the caller of who you are, and apologize for missing the call. End your script by asking the caller to leave a name and contact number with a brief message. Inform the caller that you will get back to them as soon as possible.

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    Verbal Content – generally, you should use 100 words to make up 1 minute of content produced with background music. In other words, one to two paragraphs per minute. The topic can range from product promotions to general company information.

    You’ve reached the (name) family. We can’t answer your call right now. So why don’t you leave your name, age, sex, height, weight, phone number, a short message, your social security number, credit card number, how many kids you have, your mother’s maiden name, along with the date and time you called us. And if you’ve survived this message and are still listening, your message better be important.
    Nothing drives me crazier than a business answering machine message that is way too long. If all of this information is available on a website, then the message should include a line like "For more information about our company, please visit (website URL)". I think the hours of operation, a few lines about the importance of my phone call, and then a prompt to wait for the recording tone should be enough. AnswerMan February 7, 2014

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    Business Intro – quick intro announcement heard by the caller before they speak with a business representative. Usually quite short and welcoming, introducing the business to the caller.

    19. "Hello, you've reached [your name]. I'm currently [exploring Asia, hiking through the jungle in Costa Rica, hanging out on the beach in Bermuda] — or more likely, [recovering from extreme jet lag, googling ‘Are red spiders poisonous,' or looking for SPF 150 sunscreen] and won't be back in the office until [date]. Leave your contact info and reason for calling and I'll get in touch then."
    A business answering machine greeting is a message recorded on the voicemail or answering machine of a company. Since this message is going to be heard by at least some of your customers, you should be sure to keep the message professional. For the most part, you should not create a message that is silly or funny, but instead provide important and useful information in a way that is professional and fairly fast. You can, however, use the message as a quick opportunity to include a brief statement about a particular service you offer such as “Thank you for calling The House of Pies, home of the world famous zucchini and artichoke pie.”

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Here are 5 sample scripts for business voicemail greetings that will make you and your company look personable, knowledgeable, and professional. And here are some sample voicemail greeting scripts for doctors, lawyers, and dentists, in case you're not looking for business greetings.

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Insurance agents have to deal with large numbers of clients almost all through the year. So, they are extremely busy and cannot take calls of clients. For them resorting to voicemail messages become inevitable. Here is one instance of VOIP phone service for businesses like this:

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People may not want to give information about who lives in their home to unknown callers for a variety of reasons. This information may be used by telemarketers who could then ask for you by name when they call again, scammers who might do the same, or people who are not interested in your welfare. Women living alone for instance may use the “we” instead of “I” to suggest more people living in a house, and can even opt for using the machine generated message or computer generated “male voice” instead of their own voice to increase their security at home. For personal security reasons, you might want to avoid indication of children in the home, too, and you certainly shouldn’t mention that you’re on vacation.

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Top 7 business voicemail greetings. 1. Hi, you’ve reached [ you name] of [ your business ]. I’m sorry that I’m not available to answer your call at the present time. Please leave your name, number and a quick message at the tone and I’ll forward your message to the appropriate person. 2.

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