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You readers didn't disappoint. I asked for the most clever phone answering machine messages in all creation (or at least in all of Beltwayland). I thought these were the best:

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Website: https://www.eou.edu/coronavirus/2020/03/24/march-24-2020-voicemail-and-phone-instructions-when-working-from-home/
It’s imperative for any business owner and/or entrepreneur to have a professional, snappy and appropriate voicemail greeting for their business. Automated greetings will only help current customers stay in touch with you and you will create a great first impression on potential clients. .

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Dexcomm is a Louisiana-based corporation that provides answering services to businesses and service agencies across the United States. We have been open since 1954, employ a staff of nearly 100 people, and our average client retention rate is 10+ years.
-Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

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Funny greetings may be just what the doctor should recommend to brighten someone’s day. These funny ways to answer the phone pranks will not only make you laugh, but will also likely give the caller a laugh. Some Funny Ways To Answer The Phone Download a Soundboard. It is simple to download a free application to your cell phone or computer.

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Creating a professional voicemail greeting isn’t complicated, but you need to keep a few things in mind to ensure success. The following tips will help: Be friendly and welcoming - let your company's personality shine!; Have a clear voice, speak at a slow to moderate pace, minimize background noise; Ensure the greeting is human and approachable; Keep the greeting short and informative; Ensure the greeting doesn’t sound robotic or unnatural; Show your gratitude for the call by saying thank you; Manage expectations by clearly stating when the client can expect a callback.

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These voicemail ideas may not come so easily for some of you. And who says that finding inspiration is a bad thing. It’s natural; not everyone has a funny bone inside them. But that doesn’t mean you get stuck with a boring, cliché greeting. It has to be different and contain some kind of style. And to that, I would like to give you a list of messages. They are perfect alternatives when you want to add some uniqueness to your voicemail. These cool voicemail ideas given below will take the mundane effects off and leave you with fresh sounding voicemail messages. So take a look at some funny greetings that you can use as your funny cell phone voicemail ideas (or home phone).

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    Professional voicemail greeting examples to boost your credibility. Here are 15 business voicemail greetings to keep your clients and boost your credibility: You have reached [your name] at [your company]. Thank you for calling. Please leave your name, number and a message, and I will get right back to you. You've reached [your name] at [your

    Finally get an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it’s not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does……
    10. 25 Professional Voicemail Greetings to Help You Record the Perfect One. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touchtone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.

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    Nothing drives me crazier than a business answering machine message that is way too long. If all of this information is available on a website, then the message should include a line like "For more information about our company, please visit (website URL)". I think the hours of operation, a few lines about the importance of my phone call, and then a prompt to wait for the recording tone should be enough. AnswerMan February 7, 2014

    We’re keeping it simple with this one. Just a few basic elements to help you get started. As long as you know who your audience is, the message you wish to convey, and the information you need from the caller, the rest should fall into place quite nicely. Let’s face it, a voicemail greeting for a lumber company will probably be different than that of a psychologist’s office. One greeting is aimed at securing potential customers, and the other is geared towards appointments, more or less. Once you are certain who your caller is, the better your voicemail. Center on your audience, first and foremost. Knowing what to relate ensures that your caller will leave the right message. For instance, if you’re a retail store, you would include your hours of operations, and perhaps any specials that you’re running. If you are a therapist’s office, then you’d need to include an alternate number in case a patient is having an issue and requires immediate help. Again, this will vary depending on the business. Here, a therapist would definitely request the caller leave their contact information. However, a retail store chain might not request that. There are also complex voicemail systems such as those used by mobile phone services, which ask you to press a certain number on your phone, where you are asked to leave your account information. Again, as you can see, it all boils down to the demographics of your callers, and what you need from them to conduct the best business possible. Depending on the situation, your caller might be in a good mood or not. In either case, they’ll probably be eagerly awaiting your call. So, it stands to reason that you only promise them a call back if you can deliver. In other words, if you’re a small shop and you’ve decided to close due to a much-needed sabbatical, then don’t leave a voicemail greeting where you promise them to call right back. However, if you have an active customer service staff, then you can promise to return their call within the same day.
    3. Voicemail greetings for the customer s ervice phone number. Customers will eventually need help from your business. If your customer service team is unavailable for calls, you can use the customer service voicemail recordings below.

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    6.) Herzliche Willkommen bei der Mustermann GmbH, aufgrund von Wartungsarbeiten können wir Ihren Anruf leider im Moment nicht persönlich entgegennehmen.Sie können uns aber gerne eine Email an [email protected] schreiben, diese wird durch unser Service-Personal schnellst möglich beantwortet.bitte entschuldigen Sie die vorübergehende Einschränkung! Vielen Dank für Ihr Verständnis

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    For more general advice on voicemail messages, read our tips and examples for business voicemail greetings. Phones Download OnSIP apps Promo Offer Purchase OnSIP Phones Resources Educational Content OnSIP Help Pages OnSIP Network Status Contact 1 (800) 801 3381 OnSIP Team Directory Email Us Work with us Become a Partner Developer Tools About Us

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    Top 13 Professional Voicemail Greetings – Examples, Scripts, Samples, Audio Recordings

    4.) Добро пожаловать в «Вася Пупкин и Ко». Вы можете связаться с нами в рабочие часы с понедельника по четверг с 9 утра до 12.00, и с 14.00 до 16.00 часов дня, а также в пятницу с 9 утра до 12.00. Вы можете рассказать нам о вашем вопросе по почте [email protected] и мы свяжемся с вами как можно скорее – Спасибо.
    3. “You’ve reached [company name]. We can’t take your call right now, let us call you back! Please leave us your name, number, the reason for your call and the best time to call you back – we don’t want to miss you again. Talk to you soon.” Let your callers know that you don’t want to miss the chance to speak with them by asking for a convenient time to call them back.

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21. Hello, you’ve reached the Sales Department at [X company]. We can’t take your call right now, but please leave your name, contact information, and the reason for reaching out, and one of our team members will be in touch within 24 hours.

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Length – if your callers typically wait 2 minutes at a time, then at least 2 minutes of programming should be the goal. The idea is to ensure the callers don’t hear repeated messages every time they call. A typical on-hold message is 4-8 minutes in length.

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Promote your business to the callers while they're on hold. Inform them of your range of products and services, their benefits and how they can help them. Or just re-enforce your branding with some pleasant background music.

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